Childhood. 300 years later ...
They tore off the bear's paw,
So that he doesn't touch the girls.
Because the Bear is very
Sexually preoccupied.
How I returned from a trip
From foreign lands, not local,
Sticks to everyone
Like a flock of Octobrists.
Around the corner we hear crying -
Tanya lost the ball.
We won't leave her anyway:
We won't even ask for an address.
It seems like an adult, not a fool,
With a delightful figure.
It's a pity that she's a little bald
Yes, baleen like a cat.
The Cat disappeared in Lukomorye.
They say he took napalm
And went to the hut,
What's on the legs, on the edge,
And grumbled to himself,
About some question there,
Remembered on the female line
Mother of Yagi and cancer he.
His squirrels have seen two,
They called him a terrorist
And piled from sin -
Dry your fur.
Uncle Gena with Cheburashka
Together they will take a glass,
Yes, they will scratch to visit Vinnie -
Learn a couple of toasts there.
And the bull over there is swinging,
More precisely, trying to get up.
Fucked up the whole pingjack,
Will not rise in any way.
Beer with vodka is not a toy
Here he stands in the pose of a cannon:
Pushing, puffing, sighing
Then the rhyme dies
(I will not say that it crashes).
The gingerbread man has become the "new Russian":
Now sells cabbage
Small wholesale over the hill -
Chernomor rules the ball there.
A woodpecker hollows an oak tree
I'll be an oak tree so soon.
Hurry he'd be tired
And then he got me.
As Yaga told him -
So Emelya created the case:
He began to dry crackers,
Yes to deliver on the stove.
And the seasoning is not easy
Very freaky:
Poppy, hash, marijuana -
Not croutons - nirvana!
Well, after that - tryn-grass:
In the clearing where the moon is
Hares mow grass with a song -
It blows their head off.
After all, in a crowd,
The whole crowd - on a scuffle.
As they come to visit the Wolf -
So only bones will remain
Horns, legs, and hooves:
Childhood grievances are not forgotten.
And under the woodpecker a measured knock
A skiff has come to the wolf.
Three bears under the window
Spun yarn in the evening.
It's not easy to work in a circus
Hand over bottles at night.
Sorry for the bears, no doubt about it,
They plow like this for a couple of years -
From now on they will not bark in the ear:
Grandfather Hottabych was out of sorts.
Mowgli has grown up long ago,
But everything also wrinkles the nose:
How drunk can be -
He calls himself Tarzan.
There Tsarevna-Nesmeyana
In the middle of Buyan Island
Invites you to the "Thriller Club":
The entrance is inexpensive - one tooth.
Bouncers at the palace
The same two are in the chest.
A dungeon awaits the disobedient
Where Kashcheya's spirit languishes.
Today, however, not a palace,
And the hotel "Creator":
Five star hut,
The traveler is always welcome here.
Tsokotukha will serve here
Nimble, damn it, this fly!
And then the Cheshire Cat
Smiles and sings.
Plump with boredom
Krasnaya Shapka nurses her grandchildren.
All day long they shout:
Five furry wolf cubs.
The gingerbread man flies from the hillock -
Well, he doesn't help us much:
He learned that the cucumber
The brave man is not in food.
With its shape and volume
He compensates for the flaw.
And from happiness Kolobok
Escape straight to Gorynych.
We will skip a couple of lines
No crime is allowed.
Who is smart here will understand.
Who did not understand ... no luck.
Under a rainy gray cloud
Grandfather with grandmother, granddaughter, Bug
They pull a cat, a mouse, a turnip -
Sits, apparently, the vegetable tightly.
They don't know that the Mole is below
Holds a turnip, does not give:
Thumbelina has a wedding
There will be guests - they would eat.
Cat-Bayun still dared -
He flew to Tahiti.
Visit friend-Kesha,
Yes Mermaid with her husband-Leshim.
Shop there at the same time
Holy water.
There is no such thing in Russia
Honor fifty years.
All Pinocchio is to blame:
He tried for Tortilla
Moonshine to drive from rubber
Fool, he is an ugly creature!
The smoke stood right up to heaven -
He was so carried away by the process.
Smoked up the sacred forest
And he drove everyone into a terrible stress.
To be continued
Black humor is an unusual form of humor and often very funny examples come across on the Internet. So on our website in this section, black humor is presented by the brightest representatives of this trend. Reading the black rhymes from this section, you are guaranteed to cheer yourself up, as black rhymes written so easily and naturally that it is difficult to call it black humor, although we do not recommend reading this to children. Adults, read - be scared and have fun fearfully! We hope that you will visit our site more than once for a new portion of black humor in verse.
Dropped the bear on the floor
Tore off the bear's paw
Tongue out by the root
They stepped on the Adam's apple,
Bit off your fingers
Crushed the eggs with a kettlebell
They poured boiling water over my ass,
They beat me in the guts with a sledgehammer,
They pierced my eyes with a knife,
The corkscrew was wrapped in the ears,
They broke my legs by the door ...
It's hard in the morning with a hangover !!!
Dropped Mishka to the floor
They tore off the bear's paw,
And then they stuffed their face
They poured acid on the skin
They took it pulled by the leg
And then a little more
They pulled out all the teeth at once
They hurt you in the eye
Rip open your belly with a razor
Sawed off an ear with a file
They ripped out the intestines, bronchi -
He became very, very thin ...
I won't leave him anyway,
Because he's good!
Dropped the bear on the floor
tore off his paw
tongue ripped out by the roots
cut Adam's apple
bit off his fingers
trampled his balls
spin the corkscrew in the ear
they hit the brains with a sledgehammer
with a fork ripped the belly
knitting needle pierced
poked a needle in the eyes
a broomstick was inserted in the ass
heart with a drill drilled
ears fucking bit off
legs crushed by the door
… Fun in kindergarten.
Dropped the bear on the floor
Tore off the bear's paw
Ears were cut off from the head,
They ripped out the guts with ticks
They opened the eye sockets with a corkscrew,
Gouged two collarbones
Acids poured into the mouth,
With a hammer on your fingers,
They stuffed a shard of nails,
They chopped the groin with an ax,
A fat stake was driven in the ass,
And they kicked a little.
I won't leave him anyway -
It would be necessary to rip off the skin too !!!
A spermatozoon sobbed in the night and cursed a cruel fate:
"I was still young and small in stature, But someone's life was already lurking in me!
In the left testicle, I lay quietly, And I often dreamed of an egg ...
This is how I lived, my dreams melting away, I kept thinking how I would go to kindergarten and school,
And after that I will become the president, or the world champion in football.
Or maybe I’ll pick up a wallet that’s enough for any car?
But now - it happened! Early in the morning I woke up from a measured powerful pitching.
I was thrown, like a boat in a storm, Looming circles before my eyes!
I realized that the great hour had come, I realized that the owner was having sex.
Come to an end soon, my dear! Now I will cure a bullet from a muzzle!
And then I was carried away by a big wave - And immediately I was thrown into a warm abyss.
Forward, to meet fate, I am attracted! But what is it? Instead of an egg
Some filthy scraps are swinging in front of my face!
I couldn't even imagine: I got into a sea of beer or kvass
This is obviously processed cheese, And this is fish or meat.
Oh woe, woe! There is no future! I realized that I was lying in the wrong womb
What did the owner have a blowjob - And my stomach juice will ruin me !.
So be it wrong, like you, I do not know - Tanya, Katka or Svetka!
You live in the world, not loving children - You are a villain and just a cannibal!
After all, you only let men in your mouth - In only one of all the openings of the body.
You probably ate a whole platoon, Or maybe you ate a whole city!
I am dying - the juice burns out my eyes! I call for help ... and I scream and cry,
But my squeaky, quiet voice In the stomach can mean nothing ...
I'll wear a suit from Brioni
I'll put on my lacquered shoes ...
And "Cartier", loved so painfully,
I will deftly fasten on the wrists.
My hair is slightly greased,
I will wear cufflinks from Dupont
And in a Sergio Tacchini shirt ...
The poured actor - Alain Delon.
I pinch my eyebrows with tweezers,
I will remove the hair in the nose,
I'm picking my ears with a streamer,
I will whiten my teeth with Blendamet.
Finger manicure complements
Five-carat diamond ring
And the smile shines white ...
I am very happy with my work.
Stifling Bulgari profusely
Everything from a suit to nails -
It's not a shame to show the product with your face,
The invited guests delighting the guests ...
After all, today is such a special day
And with flowers - thousands of baskets!
Noble people in black dresses,
At the entrance is a black limousine ...
They will say to me: S P A S AND B O !!! ... in a friendly chorus
There is no more romantic job ...
I work in the morgue, make-up artist
For the past five years.
Good afternoon everyone! More precisely crappy!
News summary is on the air!
Now we will show you a new
The plot and video from Vesti!
That sucks and it is bad!
And there is generally a kick-ass worth it!
Today it blew somewhere
Fell, exploded, burns!
Covered, strangled, eaten,
Blown up and ripped off,
Killed a thousand, sat on a stake.
Everyone was dragged into the quagmire.
Forehead to forehead converged and in the hour of eclipse,
Hanged by a bunch of hair
And the landslide and the eruption
And the train derailed.
When will the freaks end ?!
Why was this horror given to us ?? !!!
Ugh ... thank God: the weather block ...
Heat, flood, and hurricane !!!
Actually, there is a mistake in the date of birth of the writer, and in fact this year she turns 109 years old. Agnia Volova (maiden name) was born on February 17, 1907. But as a 15-year-old girl, she added herself an extra year to be hired in a store: the family did not have enough money. The error remained in her passport forever, and all encyclopedias indicate the year of birth in 1906.
I almost became a ballerina
Agnia's father, veterinarian Lev Volov, dreamed that his daughter would become a ballerina. She graduated from a choreographic school and even managed to work in one of the Moscow theaters, but the troupe emigrated because of the revolution. Agnia did not leave and gave up ballet.
While still studying in choreography, the girl began to write poetry.
Her first books were published in 1927 - 1928, ”says Maria Korobkova, a tour guide at the Agniya Barto Museum at the Moscow Children's Library No. 99. - Barto's poems have been translated into many languages of the world, we have editions even in Gypsy.
- Did Barto write poetry with connotations in the Soviet years?
She supported the Soviet regime. No one in her family was repressed. The only time under Khrushchev was she on the lists of so-called unreliable people. But at night, someone struck her off this list. It was a parent whose children read her poems ...
Glorified her husband's surname
The first time Agnia married the young poet Pavel Barto at the age of 18. The newlyweds were united by a love of poetry, they even wrote poetry together. The couple had a son, Igor, whom everyone called Garik at home. But after six years of marriage, the young divorced. The son stayed with Agnia. She, against the wishes of her ex-husband, left his last name and glorified her. The ex-husband was then married three more times, he had many children. And the poetess married for the second time to the famous physicist Andrei Scheglyaev, they had a daughter, Tanya.
During the war, Agnia, with her children and her husband, went to evacuate to Sverdlovsk and, in order to help the front, got a job as a turner at a factory. She gave the prize she received during the war for the manufacture of the tank.
In 1944, the Barto family returned from evacuation to Moscow. But on the eve of Victory Day, tragedy struck. On May 4, 1945, 18-year-old son Garik was riding a bicycle in Lavrushinsky Lane and collided with a truck driving out from around the corner. The guy fell on the asphalt, hitting his temple on the curb - instant death. Only creativity helped the poetess to cope with grief ...
Where did "Mulya, don't make me nervous" come from
Agniya Lvovna constantly worked on the rhyme, - says Maria Korobkova. - Sometimes, she sees off her grandson to kindergarten, he asks her something, and she tells him: "Quiet, I'm composing poetry."
- Did Barto invent Ranevskaya's catchphrase “Mulya, don’t make me nervous”?
Probably. She wrote the script for the film "Foundling" together with Rina Zelena. This is their joint work, the script was written before the war. Agniya Lvovna was friends with Rina Zelena and Faina Ranevskaya. And this film is the fruit of their friendship.
I worked in the newspaper Pionerskaya Pravda, Agnia came to our editorial office to read children's letters that came to us in bags, - told KP Marta Baranova, the widow of the writer Evgeny Veltistov, author of Adventures of Electronics. - She was very interested in the children’s stories about life, catching their lively intonations. Often she made children's stories from letters the subjects of her poems.
- And what was she like in everyday life?
She was in charge in her house. Households protected her from household chores. Agniya Lvovna did not cook, did not stand in lines. She created ...
Search by letter
For many years, Agniya Lvovna hosted a radio program, in which she helped to find children and relatives separated by the war, - says the writer Fyodor Razzakov. - On the air I read excerpts from letters, and often people found each other after the very first broadcast.
Barto came up with a way to search for people without using official data - only from memories. Often these were just scraps of memories, but they were enough. For example, a woman who was lost in the war as a child remembered that she lived in Leningrad and that the name of the street began with "o", and there was a bathhouse and a shop next to the house. Barto's team searched unsuccessfully for such a street. They found an old bathhouse attendant who knew all the Leningrad baths. As a result, by elimination, they found out that there was a bathhouse on Serdobolskaya Street - the girl remembered the "o" in the name ... In another case, the parents who lost their four-month-old daughter in the war only remembered that the child had a mole on the shoulder that looked like a rose ... Naturally, they did not know the name under which their daughter lived after the war. But the only clue worked: the inhabitants of the Ukrainian village called the program and said that one of their neighbors had a mole that looked like a rose ...
For nine years of broadcasting, Barto received about 4,000 letters. With her help, 927 families were reunited ...
CALL Daughter
Tatiana SHCHEGLYAEVA: "Our Tanya is crying loudly" - not about me
"Komsomolskaya Pravda" called the daughter of the poetess Tatyana Shcheglyaeva.
- Tatyana Andreevna, did your mother write for you or about you?
No, she did not devote poetry to me and did not write about me. She had enough, so to speak, information about other children. It is believed that the poem "Our Tanya is crying out loud ..." - about me. But it was written before I was born.
People willingly buy books with old poetry by Barto. Does it generate income for you today? Can we say that your mother provided you?
There are really a lot of publications. This year, maybe a little less than before. Of course, I am the heir, and I receive royalties.
WAS A CASE
Taught goodness to Gagarin
“There are pleasant surprises here,” wrote Agnia Barto in her memoirs. - It would seem that the poems "Dropped the bear on the floor" can in no way be counted among the love lyrics, but it turned out that they united one young couple. The girl did not know how to open up to the young man in feelings, she reviewed several lyric collections, but, according to her, "there is more and more about the suffering of love." She remembered the poems of her childhood ... and the young man's name was Mikhail, and he was in some kind of trouble, and she wrote to him:
Dropped the bear on the floor
Tore off the bear's paw
I won't leave him anyway,
Because he's good.
It all ended with the registry office, and the young people told me about it. "
Yuri Gagarin's autograph is on display at the Barto Museum. In the 70s, a meeting with cosmonauts was held at the Writers' Union. On a piece of notebook, Yuri Gagarin wrote: "They dropped the bear on the floor ..." and handed it to the author, Agnia Barto. When later the astronaut was asked why these verses were in particular, he replied: "This is the first book about goodness in my life."
Dropped the bear on the floor
Tore off the bear's paw
Trampled two kidneys,
Hit on the head
Yak-tsup-hit a little
I sawed off my leg with a hacksaw,
Caridola tore apart
The brain was blown up with a cryative
Slightly strangled with a boa constrictor,
All the wool was covered with napalm,
The bear writhed in the fire
Everyone shouted "Aftar zhzhot"
Uncle Vova passed
Traffic poured into the bear's mouth,
Pervon came up too,
Hit the bear meanly in the groin,
"Gygygy" and "Bugaga"
One fonad, bastard two,
They mocked everyone by the runet,
Everyone scoffed at the bear
Gopota did not lag behind
I threw caps at him,
Norris appeared, Chuck
And from the foot to the face - a boar!
And Boyarsky is right there,
With a hat just like Robin Hood
On a horse, with a long sword,
The bear became, oh, sad,
Eerie Cthulhu has awakened
And I got angry at the bear
And the family of these cultists
Mishka, kyu, wanted in etsikh,
Even the kind Gorodetsky
I gave it on the neck in a non-childish way,
In general, anyone beat the bear,
Like everyone else or the other,
In the end, everyone went berserk
They flew in a heap together,
Skinned alive
Putting out cigarette butts
Both ears tore off,
Broken nose and jaw ...
They outraged the medic -
Zadolbal to his preacher!
(c) MeNT,
Canadian Lumberjack
"Japanese mouse"
Dropped the mouse to the floor
They tore off a mouse's paw ...
No, that's not cool at all.
They dropped the bear on the floor -
They dropped my scrotum straight!
Kicked in the back, chewed off the tail
Bitch, you bit off your ear!
You will know how in the store
Cost crazy money!
Harkanuli in his back,
And they sent the mikha to the dick.
Dropped Mishka to the floor
Torn off the bear's paw
Here's a sloppy one,
Pre-trial detention center!
Was at Vovka-naughty
Clubfoot Teddy Bear
Vova was given a bicycle,
Well, Mishka is 9 years old.
From the history of oil
Make a conclusion, brothers
If you are friends with the wrong lads,
You sit down, just like a Bear.
Post Scriptum:
It is dark and quietly dripping
Refrigerated trucks in Moscow
Chubaisik is in trouble
His country does not like him!
CORRESPONDENCE WITH AGNIA BARTO
Second letter (preaching)
Well, you, Barto, screwed up!
Well you, Barto, give it!
Or again for the old,
I took it. You’re a louse!
Or a bull is not enough for us,
What did you push from the board?
Now she took up the bear?
Well, you, Barto, bent:
Dropped the bear on the floor
Tore off the bear's paw
I won't leave him anyway,
Because he's good.
Why are you writing to children?
After all, they can't understand!
Why, since he's good,
What if you tear off your paws?
And then get sentimental
Mishka, they say - "I will not give up",
Like - I love clubfoot,
Bear they say - "good".
I could justify you
And maybe I could understand
If at least a bear
He began to dissolve his paws.
Well, I can estimate -
The bear has a libido.
So write how it was.
About everything! So that "from" and "to"!
Dropped the bear on the floor
Tore off the bear's paw
I won't leave him anyway,
Because he's good.
It used to be even better
But one day I went to the forest,
I collected cones in a box,
And he counted a little bit.
One bump bounced off
The bear hit the forehead,
The bear stamped his foot here,
He became not himself.
I often molested dolls,
He would not let them sleep at night.
In general, our bear has become very,
Sexually preoccupied
And so that his hands are impudent,
I did not dissolve at night,
I told him, even though he is good,
He ripped off one hand.
From the "Crime Chronicle"
"They dropped Mishka on the floor,
They tore off Mishka's paw.
Was he drunk or chopped off ... "
(Excerpt from the minutes)
The mistress threw the bunny
There was a bunny in the rain
An outfit approached him -
Taken for vagrancy!
The cycle of topical adult rhymes:
Bear Saakashvili
On neighbors rushing,
We drank with Zhora Bush,
Teddy bear eating a tie
Suddenly neighbor Dima
Straight to the Bear's groin!
The bear got angry:
- Zhora, what the fuck?
*****
Lowered the bear low
Tore off the squeak to the Bear
Doctors did not sew a squeak,
it was Mishka Saakashvili!
*****
Our Mishan is crying loudly,
Booty soft as a ball
Hear, Mishanechka, don't cry,
The executioner will come here right now.
*****
There is George Bush swinging
And sweat ran through in delirium:
- Oh my term ends,
and Misha got into trouble.
I sit and cry bitterly:
They tore off Mishka's dacha.
San Isaich, damn it, in kind
I knocked at the prosecutor's office,
That our Bear indiscriminately
He wrote to the elder under the fence.
Stop neighing:
Bear is incontinent,
That is, it is enuresis.
I am submitting a protest to the Verhsud.
To the story of March 4 about a rhyme. I have a godson, Sasha. His mom in
divorce, so he often tosses it to me to free personal
time. We have an "adult" relationship with him, so stay with me
loves very much. Already studied the device of the computer, he climbs into the Internet, but he eats
no problem. When he was three, his mother, putting him to bed, told him about
bunny. Well, you know there:
The mistress threw the bunny,
There was a bunny left in the rain
I couldn't get off the bench,
All wet to the thread.
Sanya began to demand a continuation. When mama said she didn't know
he proudly declared that the godmother knew and quoted:
That mistress came out in the morning
See what happened to the bunny.
Like Mom's rancid soup
Zaykin's corpse smells bad.
Of course, I got it. But the audience was especially delighted by that
the case when the mother had a boyfriend named Misha and the child happily
issued, after several days of communication with the paternity applicant:
They tore off the bear's paw,
So that he doesn't touch the girls.
Because the Bear is very
Sexually preoccupied.
I swear! I didn’t teach him that!
Dropped Mishka to the floor
Torn off the bear's paw
Here's a sloppy one,
Pre-trial detention center!
Was at Vovka-naughty
Clubfoot Teddy Bear
Vova was given a bicycle,
Well, Mishka is 9 years old.
From the history of oil
Make a conclusion, brothers
If you are friends with the wrong lads,
You sit down, just like a Bear.
Post Scriptum:
It is dark and quietly dripping
Refrigerated trucks in Moscow
Chubaisik is in trouble
His country does not like him!
CORRESPONDENCE WITH AGNIA BARTO
Second letter (preaching)
Well, you, Barto, screwed up!
Well you, Barto, give it!
Or again for the old,
I took it. You’re a louse!
Or a bull is not enough for us,
What did you push from the board?
Now she took up the bear?
Well, you, Barto, bent:
Dropped the bear on the floor
Tore off the bear's paw
I won't leave him anyway,
Because he's good.
Why are you writing to children?
After all, they can't understand!
Why, since he's good,
What if you tear off your paws?
And then get sentimental
Mishka, they say - "I will not give up",
Like - I love clubfoot,
Bear they say - "good".
I could justify you
And maybe I could understand
If at least a bear
He began to dissolve his paws.
Well, I can estimate -
The bear has a libido.
So write how it was.
About everything! So that "from" and "to"!
Dropped the bear on the floor
Tore off the bear's paw
I won't leave him anyway,
Because he's good.
It used to be even better
But one day I went to the forest,
I collected cones in a box,
And he counted a little bit.
One bump bounced off
The bear hit the forehead,
The bear stamped his foot here,
He became not himself.
I often molested dolls,
He would not let them sleep at night.
In general, our bear has become very,
Sexually preoccupied
And so that his hands are impudent,
I did not dissolve at night,
I told him, even though he is good,
He ripped off one hand.
From the "Crime Chronicle"
"They dropped Mishka on the floor,
They tore off Mishka's paw.
Was he drunk or chopped off ... "
(Excerpt from the minutes)
The mistress threw the bunny
There was a bunny in the rain
An outfit approached him -
Taken for vagrancy!