Recently, society has begun to talk more about introversion and extroversion. A lot of articles have appeared on the Web about the pros and cons of people of the first and second types, and more and more often you can hear "I am an introvert."
Sometimes it seems that this is just a fashion trend. Well, who would have thought that a girl with a social media page full of party photos would share an article about introverts and proudly write, “Yes, it’s about me”?
But we can say a big thank you to this trend! According to research, between one-third and one-half of all people are introverts. Just think: almost half of the population lives in an "extroverted" world. Agree, after all, even getting to the desired position is much easier if you have acquaintances or a good “suspended” language. But introverts have it too. Only in smaller quantities. And the presence of pseudo-extroverts shows that people perfectly adapt to the conditions of life.
In order to adapt in time and painlessly, you need to do this from childhood. Susan Cain, an introvert, did a great job with this task and decided to help other people with this. Susan wrote the book Introverts. How to use the features of your character, ”where she spoke about the features of education. We hope these tips will help you understand your child and help him adjust.
INTROVERSION IS NOT A DISEASE
In fact, an introvert can also be comfortable at parties. After all, the level of introversion is different for everyone. Therefore, it is not always possible for parents to determine what type their child belongs to or even consider his shyness to be a disease. The worst thing that can happen to such a "disease" is a doctor who agrees to cure it. In her book, Susan gave the example of an introverted Ethan. His parents several times turned to a child psychologist to help the boy.
“The first cause for concern was simple enough. Seven-year-old Ethan was beaten several times by his four-year-old brother, but the boy did not hit him back. The boys' parents are sociable, caring people, occupy high positions and are fond of playing sports such as golf and tennis. They took their youngest son's aggressiveness for granted, but worried that Ethan's passivity "may affect his later life," writes Susan.
Surely after these lines a wave of indignation swept over you. How is it that a four-year-old beat a seven-year-old and he did not give him back?! The boy's parents were also worried. They enrolled him in baseball and football to instill morale. But Ethan was not carried away by these games, he always hurried home and sat down to read. He had only a few friends and did not take an active part in the social life of the class. The parents thought that.
The first doctor to whom Ethan's parents turned, claimed that their child was absolutely healthy. They decided to make an appointment with another specialist, who nevertheless decided to “cure” the boy. Do you think this "treatment" helped?
How to Raise an Introverted Child
The best thing parents can do for their child (both introvert and extrovert) is to understand him and try to see the world through his eyes. Susan Cain gave some tips on how to raise an introverted child.
- Many people make the mistake of thinking that introverts don't want to socialize. No, in fact, these kids also need to communicate. They just need less of it. It's just that usually these kids are very careful and try to avoid novelty. Often, introverts are alarmed by everything new: places, situations, people. Work with your child on his reaction to the new.
- Introduce your baby to new situations and people gradually. This . Explain that his anxiety is quite natural, but there is still nothing to be afraid of - you just need to take the first step. For example, if you are going to a birthday party, find out in advance how it will be and discuss with your child how he will greet his peers. Arrive early for the event. So the baby will master the space without a large number of people, and he will get the feeling that the rest are joining him, and not he “intrudes” into the already formed group of guests.
- Each child has their own pace. Get used to it and do not rush the baby. If he needs more time to adapt to a new team, this is normal. When the child is very small, parents can even help him get to know the children on the playground.
- Do not blame the baby if he does not want to play with the children today. In no case do not call him shy and do not talk about his character traits with a negative connotation. The child will perceive this as a label, and timidity as a stable quality of his character that cannot be controlled. Firstly, older children already understand that their shyness is considered a “vice”, and secondly, every child can get rid of shyness and adapt to any situation.
- Teach your child self-hypnosis skills from a very tender age. Give him an example of communication.
- Do not force your child to communicate with someone who is unpleasant to him or with a classmate with whom the child does not have a relationship. Let him have a favorable impression of social contacts from the very beginning. Yes, and all people are different, so it is not surprising that two different people did not find a common language. There are many more children around that your child can interact with.
- Teach your child simple social strategies to help them deal with awkward situations. Show him how to always be confident. All it takes is a smile, a straight posture, and eye contact.
HOW TO CHOOSE A SCHOOL FOR THE INTROVERT
It's always difficult. Little introverts may have their own requirements for school. Parents should find an educational institution that meets the following criteria:
- independence of interests is valued and the importance of autonomy is emphasized;
- group work is carried out in moderate volumes, in small groups, under the careful guidance of a teacher;
- qualities such as kindness, caring, empathy, solidarity are valued;
- students are encouraged to maintain order in classrooms and corridors;
- classes are held in small, quiet classrooms;
- taught by teachers who understand the essence of shyness, seriousness, introversion and sensitivity;
- an anti-bullying and bullying program is strictly implemented;
- where students with related beliefs, interests and thinking are accepted. For example, children with a high level of intelligence, artistic talent, excellent sports data - depending on what your child prefers.
"Quiet, shy, uncommunicative" - how often do you say or think this way about your child? These traits are considered in society rather as shortcomings, someone is trying to “fight” with them. Parents fear that introverted children will not make friends and will always be on the sidelines. In vain.
It's actually okay to be shy. There is a powerful force hidden in every introvert, although it is not easy to detect. Susan Cain is an introvert herself. A few years ago, she wrote a book for adults, Introverts: How to Use Your Character Traits. The book became a bestseller and was translated into 40 languages. Suddenly it turned out that there are a lot of talented and successful introverts around! They just don't speak out loud enough.
The main thing that the book teaches is self-love and acceptance of yourself as you are. It helps in life.
Invisibles at school
Teenagers don't yet know the importance of being themselves. And therefore, trying to cover up their "flaw", they pretend to be more sociable, cheerful - they do not want to be invisible. “All people should be talkative, noisy,” they think. - This is great". This book will show you how cool it is to value yourself.
An introvert can remain as he is by nature.
introvert at school
Observation, the ability to hear others and feel their needs - qualities that are often found in introverts - are a powerful tool in communicating with people and the key to success.
How introverts are changing the world
Even a quiet schoolboy can prove himself if he spends time not on labored going to parties in the hope of "getting out of his shell", but on what he is really interested in. Just look at Steve Jobs and Apple!
It is important for an introvert to find a business that interests him. When he embarks on a new activity, it is worth starting with what he does best: memorize the role, immerse himself in the problem, conduct analysis. The book has tips and exercises that will help you find your favorite thing and decide on a profession based on the child.
Susan Cain at TED. The video with her participation has become one of the most popular in history. Over 19 million views!
A prime example is Susan Cain herself. She wrote a book (an activity for an introvert), and now confidently speaks to huge audiences.
This book is written specifically for teens, but parents should also read it. Who, if not you, is able to help your child use his strengths? Here are the strategies you can apply right now.
- Encourage your child to find hobbies
An introvert's life naturally organizes itself around things that they love to do. Concentration helps the growth of skill, and with it comes - not vice versa. Introverted kids often make friends through common hobbies.
- Understand yourself
A lot depends on your personality type. Introverted parents may overdramatize the situation: they are afraid that their painful experience will be repeated in the child's life.
Talk to a psychotherapist, meditate - it is also important for adult introverts to cope with fears.
Extroverted parents can be a good role model and teach a child to be easy to communicate with. But they may be completely incomprehensible to his experiences and experiences. Do not impose your views on the child, find a middle ground.
Illustration from the book
- Monitor your child's anxiety level
Children need help to get out of their comfort zone, but avoid too much stress. In difficult moments, ask the child to rate the level of anxiety on a scale from 1 to 10. Normally, it should be 4-6 points; 7–10 is almost a panic attack.
- Give your child time to recover
Parents do not always easily accept the desire of children for loneliness. Do not be afraid that the child will spend the best years of his life locked in a room. Only in seclusion does he get a much-needed respite.
Time “for yourself” will fill him with the energy needed to unlock his potential and enjoy life.
What else is in the book
The book begins with a Manifesto, the goal of which is to accept yourself as real. An introvert has superpowers hidden in him, and this book will help you unleash that talent. It will also tell you how shy to act in different situations.
From the book, the child learns:
- how to “survive” at school and stop being afraid to answer in class;
- how to feel comfortable at parties where there are a lot of people;
- where to look for friends;
- how to encourage others to listen to yourself;
- what to do if there is no strength to communicate;
- how to be successful in what you love
… dozens of strategies and stories that will inspire and support you on the way to yourself.
The book "Secret Power" will not help a teenager become someone else. She will teach you how to apply those wonderful qualities and skills that he already possesses. Only in this way can he open up and become truly happy.
P.S. Do you want to learn about the most interesting children's books and receive discounts on the best novelties? Subscribe to our newsletter. The first letter is a gift.
If your child is silent, dreamy, touchy, does not like crowded companies and prefers to be alone most of the time, do not call him a beech, do not try to shake him up and force him to be more sociable. In this case, it is highly likely that you are raising an introvert who needs a certain approach.
How to tell if a child is an introvert
In psychology, it is customary to divide people into extroverts (sociable, prone to charge internal batteries from external sources) and introverts (closed, restoring strength at the expense of their own resources). Such a classification according to personality types was introduced by psychologists Carl Gustav Jung and Hans Jürgen Eysenck.
So, introverts. They show their characteristics in early childhood. Watch the child. A child is an introvert if:
Focused on his inner world, goes into himself and is able to silently think about something for hours, dream about something
Does not like to be in society, avoids large companies, does not make many friends
Prefers to be alone, locks himself in his own room, builds walls with pillows, or builds cozy little houses out of books and boxes to hide in later
Vulnerable, touchy, sentimental, sensitive to the mood of others and the general atmosphere in the house
Passive, does not like to be constantly in motion, avoids noisy active games
Often shows lack of self-confidence
Does not share experiences, does not discuss what happened, does not show emotions
Prone to creative activity: draws, sculpts, makes crafts
It is generally accepted that since introverts are closed and unsociable, then they do not need communication. This is not true. Every person is a social element. It is contact with other people that allows us to draw information about the world around us, learn from someone else's experience and share our own. It is especially important for a child to feel part of the society, because the process of cognition is at the initial stage. Often a child's behavior model is formed in the process of communication with peers or with adults: parents, educators, teachers.
Introverted children need contact with others just as much as extroverted ones. The only question is how rich and long this communication will be.
It is important to realize that a long stay of an introvert in a social group leads to the fact that his internal resources run out. The child feels discomfort, closes in on himself even more, seeks solitude, pulls his head into his shoulders and avoids engaging in dialogue in every possible way. As already mentioned, introverts recharge their de-energized batteries using internal resources. This means that the child needs to be left alone for a while, to give him the opportunity to put his thoughts and feelings in order. For some, to restore energy resources, it is enough to sleep, for others - to read, solve a puzzle, take a walk alone or just sit in silence with your eyes closed.
If an introvert child does not make contact, frowns, refuses to talk, then the best thing adults can do is to leave their son or daughter alone for a while. You can appease a little silent man with praise. Introverts are very responsive to support and approval from others. Start a conversation with kind words about the child, a smile will immediately shine on his face.
Some parents worry that their withdrawn toddler does not like to be hugged, patted on the head, or held by the hand. Anxious adults believe that in this way the child shows his indifference to loved ones. Actually it is not. Introverts certainly need physical contact. But, as with communication, sometimes they need a breather. If the child withdraws, it means that he experiences some discomfort and wants to distance himself from the surrounding. Don't worry, he will definitely hug you later when he's ready.
Introverts generally tend to isolate themselves from people. They win back a personal corner in space and really want no one to suddenly invade their world. Therefore, some children hang a sign on the door of their room saying “Do not enter!”, And they are also very offended when someone takes their favorite chair in the living room.
“How many conventions! What if, observing them, we indulge whims, ”parents will doubt. Indeed, the line between a whim and a need due to the characteristics of a personality type is very thin. To solve it is within the power of patient, observant and wise parents.
1. During the day, give the introvert child the opportunity to be alone
He leads an active social life in kindergarten or at school, so do not pester the offspring with questions at home if he is “all in himself” and does not want to communicate. An introvert needs at least an hour to be alone with his thoughts, analyze the events of the day in the evening, or make a plan of action in the morning. Do not offer your child to definitely do something useful: read, sweep the floor in the hallway, or prepare for a math test. He will do all this, but only after enjoying loneliness.
2. Do not rush the child, give him time to make a decision
Typically, introverted children are slower than extroverted children. They are more reasonable and prefer to measure several times, and only then cut off. The more you rush your child, the more likely they are to make a mistake or, worse, lose interest in the task at hand.
3. Do not violate the boundaries of the child's personal space
Your offspring must certainly have a place in which he is comfortable, safe, cozy. There he can retire, indulge in reflection, create, read, play or do homework. Create a small children's office on a heated loggia or "build" a mini-house designed for one tenant in a nursery or living room.
It is very important - the child must know that adults will in no case invade his personal space, will not begin to put things in order and throw away unnecessary things.
4. Focus on private lessons
Introverts often find it difficult to concentrate, remember information, or solve a problem when surrounded by a large number of people. Therefore, group classes are not always effective. Hire a tutor for your child or work with him yourself.
5. Take breaks
They are very important in any activity of an introvert, whether it is a game, study or home routine. During breaks, he restores his vitality, gains strength, sorts out the information received.
An introvert is a person directed "inside" himself. Introverts are characterized by behavior associated with creativity, reflection, observation of nature, others. Therefore, people of this type of personality are comfortable in solitude. They are distinguished from extroverts by punctuality, thoughtfulness, reticence, even pedantry. It is introverts who carefully weigh and consider the information received before making a decision. It is more difficult for introverts to find new contacts, they do not like an excess of communication. Contemplation and isolation are common traits of an introvert.
Benefits of being an introvert
The German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard identified the advantages of introverts: extroverts tend to fall under the influence of public opinion, they do not have their own will, while introverts, on the contrary, have a strong will and are not subject to outside pressure, they have their own opinion and their own internal attitudes.
There are fewer introverts than extroverts (approximately 20-30% of the total population). Most geeks are introverts. To achieve exceptional heights in science or art, you need to be obsessed with your idea, which means you have a strong will and a deep interest in knowledge. And these are just the personality traits of an introvert. He has perseverance and independence of views, creative flair.
This type of personality is not subject to change, so an introvert child cannot be “remade” and “broken”.
It is important for parents to understand that it is not easy for their child to find a common language in a team. It is even more difficult if parents do not see the inclinations of their son or daughter and force them to be “like everyone else”. This often happens when extroverted parents have not identified the introverted nature of the baby.
Parents need to know what positive character traits are often inherent in an introverted personality:
- perseverance;
- non-conflict;
- Attention;
- concentration;
- non-standard thinking;
- propensity for creative pursuits;
- desire to learn.
Understand and accept the child
When raising an introverted child, mom and dad need to remember that they have a person in their family with an unusually bright and rich inner world. Closeness and self-absorption is his usual state. So the child draws strength and learns to find answers to the questions of the fast and sometimes incomprehensible world. This is not to say that such a child never feels alone. Without friendship and communication, it is difficult for a child, but at the same time, an introverted child does not let strangers into his inner world. Parents should be gently interested in what the child thinks, what is going through and what his desires are. In this case, it is not necessary to impose your opinion or force something to be done. You can beat off any child's interest in communication.
The most important thing, according to psychologists, is to understand and accept the child as he is. An introverted child needs to be supported, sensitive to mood changes. It is very important to develop his individual abilities. It is impossible to direct such a child to do something for the sake of fashion or a popular trend. Nothing good will come of this, and the child may be psychologically traumatized.
Be sensitive parents and true friends to your child, and then, perhaps, a brilliant writer, artist or architect will grow up in your family.
It is important for parents to know whether they have an introverted child or an extroverted child; psychology in this regard is of the opinion that the subsequent life depends on the character of the baby. Having dealt with this in time, mothers will be able to achieve excellence and success in all areas of life. It should also be remembered that there are no kids - clearly defined extroverts or introverts. More often you can find a combination of both psychological personality types.
What is the difference between an introvert and an extrovert, what are the positive and negative sides of each type? Psychology adheres to the following description of introverts and extroverts.
Introvert child (melancholic or phlegmatic)
This child is loved by his parents. And there is a reason. Unlike other children, emotions in a baby of this type are extremely poor. He does not even try to involve adults in the game. He feels good and alone, he is quite self-sufficient. Enough for an introverted child to be happy, and only serious incidents can piss him off.
What are the characteristics of an introvert?
- Sociability can hardly be attributed to the strengths of this type of personality. The kid is unsociable, alien to communication, does not like noisy places;
- For full communication, one or two close friends are enough for him. Gets tired quickly in numerous companies;
- Dislikes small talk. Most often refuses to attend noisy events;
- Although the introvert child has few friends, he is ready for anything for them, he will sacrifice the last and always help;
- The kid does not need to repeat the same thing several times, he literally understands his parents perfectly;
- From the outside, a child with this type of personality may seem too slow. Despite this, his undoubted merit is bringing the work he has begun to its logical conclusion, which cannot be said about the extrovert;
- An introverted child who is passionately engaged in something is difficult, difficult to switch to something else;
- This type of children does not like to get sick for a long time, carefully monitors their health, prefers the proven old to the unknown new;
- An introvert kid is unlikely to have to be scolded for being naughty or indulging - such behavior is simply not characteristic of him;
- One can note the purposefulness and stubbornness of this type. Introverts always achieve their goals, they do not tend to instantly forget about their desires;
Benefits of being an introvert:
- Ability to think outside the box;
- The ability to enjoy the present moment;
- Rich inner world;
- Love for learning;
- Out of the box thinking;
- The presence of creative abilities.
Extrovert child (choleric or sanguine)
Unlike introverts, extroverted children are noisy, loud, and active. They like to draw attention to themselves, especially in crowded places. Moreover, you can draw attention to your royal person by any means - in stores.
By what signs can you calculate an extrovert:
- Attention constantly switches from one subject to another, does not rest on one thing;
- An extrovert needs to constantly do something, he does not sit in one place;
- Shows his emotions openly. If he wants to cry - he cries, he is happy and cheerful - he laughs;
- Has a loud voice. People of this type make excellent speakers;
- Sociable, does not tolerate loneliness, should always be among people
- Often speaks thoughts out loud
- He likes to be praised, approved of his behavior and actions. Without this, the extrovert drops his hands and the incentive to activity disappears;
- He likes to talk about his emotions, feelings. But he is also interested in the feelings of other people;
- Enjoys communication, likes to be on the playground, playing with other children;
- Thoroughly retells everything that happened;
Benefits of being an extrovert:
- A large number of acquaintances and friends, sociability;
- Ease in finding a common language with other people;
- Most often, people of this type are the soul of the company;
- Extroverts are great inspirers and generally creative people;
It doesn't matter if you're an introvert or an extrovert. Each has its own positive qualities. Knowing the features of each of the types, directing them in the right direction, you can achieve great success.