Our century is characterized by the rapid development of relations. We met yesterday, today we woke up in the same apartment ... Love at first sight or a simple attraction? Desperate attempt to establish a personal life or a long-awaited meeting with "the same man"? Love or passion? How can these two situations be distinguished?

I do not claim to be absolute truth. In such matters, and there can be no universal advice. I will simply reveal my position based on my personal experience and the experience of other people.

What is the main difference between love and passion?

The first thing to talk about is what exactly do I mean by the words "love" or "passion"? Why is it so important to separate these concepts?

I will try to state my position, my feelings as accurately as possible ... The fact is that love is something that only intensifies over the years... What is gradually gaining momentum is what you need to constantly invest in. Something we are ready to work hard on. Love grows when we go through some difficulties together. In my experience, love is greatly strengthened after the birth of a child. When a common cause appears, to which everyone makes their own contribution. I know for sure that our love has increased tenfold after the first sleepless nights. When my husband and I took turns rocking a newborn baby who did not sleep due to pain in the tummy. When in the morning, getting ready for work, he once again took this small restless lump with him to the kitchen, allowing me to sleep peacefully for another half hour. Love grew stronger, even when my husband had problems with work, when I had the wisdom to support him in a difficult moment, and not fall down with offended reproaches, complaining about the lack of money ... Every test, be it a financial problem, health, fatigue, pressure with the side of relatives - absolutely every test turned into a blessing for us. That is why I believe that such a relationship can be called love, not passion. Of course, I brought up a very slippery topic. Here you should never draw such loud conclusions ... But I will say this - perhaps this is not yet love in the highest sense of the word. But we are heading in the right direction.

What is passion? I think passion is what does not stand the test of time... That which at first flares up brightly, and then gradually fades away. Passion is a very powerful heat of emotions. Here there is both bright pain and unbearable happiness ... Passion gradually siphons energy from a person. Passion is good too. But it seems to me that you cannot make a strong long-term relationship out of her.

Love or passion? How can the two be distinguished?

I think time will be the main judge after all. At least six months. It is enough to compare your relationship now with what it was six months or a year ago ... In which direction are you moving? Have you become closer to each other? Have you become more interesting to each other?

But there are other signs that indicate passion:
- How do you fight? Small quarrels can arise in any relationship, another question is how do they manifest themselves? Scandals, major tantrums - in my opinion, signs of passion. Long quarrels that last several days are, in my opinion, also a sign of passion. Another question - can you forget these unpleasant moments?
- How quickly did your relationship develop? Love at first sight most often indicates passion ... But not always. I'm sure some of the readers know such examples ... When people fell in love with each other right on the day they met, got married a month later, and lived a long and happy life together.
- Do you respect your chosen one? Love is always based on mutual respect. However, passion may not perceive its victim as a person.
- Do you know the shortcomings of your loved one? How do you feel about them? I think love has a condescending attitude towards shortcomings. Passion either does not notice them at all, or perceives them somehow inadequately.
- Are you ready to work on your relationship? Sit and figure out what is in the thoughts of another ... Analyze some situations together, bring your grievances up for discussion? Without this, it will be very difficult to create something strong ("").

Love or passion - how to start a long-term relationship?

Finally, I want to give some advice to unmarried girls ... Girls, take your time! You don't need to give a man everything at once, no matter how trite it sounds! As my experience and the experience of some of my friends show, really valuable relationships develop very slowly! I already wrote in the article "" that the first months my husband and I just walked together, just talked, went to different interesting places ... We spent a lot of time together, for 5-8 hours, meeting every two days! And it helped us to get closer on a spiritual level. It helped to get to know and feel each other well. And then the physical rapprochement went very slowly. Do not be afraid that the man will run away! If you run away, it means that this is not your man ... You will still have time to enjoy the closeness, because you have a whole life ahead of you ... And if there is not a whole life ahead, then do you need it?

Again, this is just my position, created from personal experience. This does not mean that you cannot create a strong family by letting a man in on the very first day. Perhaps someone succeeds in this. But I'm sure if it's important to you whether you find love or passion, you better take your time. Do not hurry!

I already wrote about how to meet my future husband online.

I'd love to hear from your experience! How do you think about your relationship? Love or passion? How to distinguish one from the other?

Love or passion? How to distinguish these two concepts and sort out your feelings for another person? You just need to listen to yourself and analyze the emotions that you are experiencing. Then you will definitely not be mistaken in your assessment.

What is love

According to psychologists, love has three components:

• Intimacy is about closeness and, a sense of partnership. As the couple grows closer, the intimacy becomes stronger. True, in ordinary life it does not manifest itself in any way, but in a difficult crisis situation it is intimacy that is most pronounced.
• Sexual attraction is most pronounced at the very beginning of a relationship, when people just get to know each other. In a long marriage, sexual attraction fades into the background.
• Commitments only increase in importance over the years. Moreover, this is true both for long-term relationships and for short-term ones.

If all three components are present, love is ideal. All couples strive for it. Of course, you can achieve such an ideal relationship, but it is very difficult to maintain them for a long time. These feelings never last long. Of course, if one of the components disappears, the relationship will not end, it's just that ideal love is transformed into something else.

Signs of love

How do you recognize it? Just observe yourself and you will understand everything. A loving person all the time wants to see the object of his feelings, wants to be as close to him as possible. He has an irresistible desire to be around all the time. Lovers strive to look into the eyes of a loved one. Even if a lover makes a speech in front of a huge audience, subconsciously he will look for the eyes of his beloved in order to look into them and understand what he or she is feeling about what has been said.

A man in love seeks to show his beloved signs of attention, to do pleasant things for him. You can recognize someone who is in love by how willing they are to serve you. If a person is in love, he will readily fulfill your request, while an indifferent person will find a thousand reasons to get away from even the easiest task.

Over time, as the couple grows closer and gets to know each other better, more serious signs of love can be noticed. One of the first is closeness. Loving people do not wear a mask, they can sympathize and rejoice with their beloved. Experiencing lovers and jealousy, without it, too, nowhere. It is important that she does not become manic. The most important feeling in love is self-sacrifice. Perhaps a loving person does not shower you with daily signs of attention, gifts and compliments, but if he is ready to immediately rush to help at your call, be sure that his love is real.

What is passion

A keen desire to possess a person, often in spite of social norms and rules, is usually called passion. At the same time, passion itself becomes the meaning of a person's life. It is characteristic that a person only wants to possess the object of his passion physically, and this is not about tenderness and care.

To some extent, passion is one of the components of the feeling of love. It is included in the concept of sexual attraction. But on its own, without intimacy and commitment, passion destroys both people.

Signs of passion

The feeling of passion is entirely based on physical attraction and desire for possession. At the same time, a person does not think about the real state of affairs. In his imagination, the object of worship is a person without flaws. This explains the fact that the feeling of passion very quickly passes as soon as a person begins to realize that his partner is very far from the ideal drawn in the imagination.

Let's list the main signs of passion:

• A person is only interested in the appearance of a partner.
• Conversations on any topic do not attract, only sex interests.
• A person is not inclined to talk about his real feelings, all his thoughts are focused on his own fantasies.
• Immediately after sex, a person strives to leave, and not spend some time together.
• Your union is more like a relationship of lovers, rather than friends.

Passion and love: how to tell

First, decide how you or your partner will position yourself in your relationship. Love is characterized by a desire to give pleasure to a partner. If a person experiences only passion, he is concentrated only on his desires. Passion is based only on physical attraction and disappears very quickly. This is not about mutual understanding, kinship of souls and mutual respect.

Passion is characterized by strong emotions; a person in this state cannot think about anything other than the object of his worship. Love is a more meaningful and calm feeling. Love is characterized by an interest in a person's personality, and not just in his appearance. Passion lives one day. A person subject to passion does not think about long-term relationships and their development. He is ready to actively seek the object of his desire, in spite of all the circumstances.

A loving person can experience pleasure even from simple communication and talking on the phone. For passion, the most important thing is the satisfaction of sexual needs.

Some believe that love and passion are completely identical concepts, and therefore use them as synonyms. In fact, they have little in common, although they are inextricably linked with human relationships. Love should not be replaced by passion either in speech or in life. Why should one always distinguish passion from love? Let's try to clarify this issue.

Definition

Love- a deep feeling aimed at another person, the basis of which is spiritual closeness, mutual respect, the desire to give the best to the object of love.

Passion- a desire-based feeling of lust that is uncontrollable and strongly influences a person's behavior and thinking.

Comparison

Passion is closely related to desire, lust. But when the desire is fulfilled, satisfied, the passion, as a rule, fades away, comes to naught. Relationships dominated by love are much longer.

Passion is an egoistic, possessive feeling, it is impatient, peremptory. Passion deprives a person of freedom, making him emotionally dependent. If required, she no doubt puts relationships with other people on the line, hurts. When passion is a priority, it ultimately destroys itself and the couple's relationship.

If passion is without love, then such a relationship has no future. Love can be without passion. Very often passionate feelings turn into a peaceful, calm channel. Passionate impulses are replaced by trust, mutual respect, the need for each other. Love is based on self-giving, selflessness, forgetting oneself for the sake of another. Love says, "What I am I can do for you? ", And passion shouts:" What you ready to do for me? " Passion goes ahead, love is tactful and noble, it is not in a hurry, not in a hurry.

Passion makes one fall into addiction akin to a narcotic one, painfully desire more and more bright and strong emotions. But such violent feelings cannot exist for a long time. Passion can lead to humiliation, love never humiliates, but, on the contrary, elevates, gives strength to live.

Conclusions site

1. Passion is based primarily on desire, and love is based on intimacy.
2. Passion quickly, sometimes instantly flares up, but just as quickly and fades away. Love is a long-term feeling, over the years it only gets stronger and stronger.
3. Passion without love ultimately destroys, love (with or without passion) - creates, makes a person better, more perfect.
4. Selfishness is inherent in passion, love is based on giving the partner all the best, on the desire to please him. Passion seeks to bind, love gives freedom.
5. A life without passion is not a problem for many, but a life without love is unbearable for any person.

For many centuries there has been a debate about what love is and how to separate it from another, no less interesting concept, such as passion. But few people ask the question of whether love can exist without passion and vice versa. What first takes possession of a person - love or passion? To understand this issue, let's conduct a little analysis and compare two ambiguous feelings, love and passion.

I love, or Passion overwhelms

How is love different from adoration? The rush of feelings is so exciting that words and thoughts are chaotic. The lover likes everything, the whole world for him is in colored paints, and in front of his eyes - rose-colored glasses. The beloved or beloved idealize the soul mate, not noticing any flaws. Any deed is regarded as something magical. Psychologists note that adoration always leads to disappointment if feelings are not supported by a rational component, namely love. Love is conscious and accepting. A loving person realizes that there are no ideal people, and his beloved person does not consist of only virtues, but at the same time he accepts all the shortcomings and resigns himself to them. Adoration is blind, shortsighted, and sometimes absurd. Figuratively speaking, love is a wise old man, and adoration is a young student who takes the teacher's words on faith and deifies him.

Passion as an unknown variable

Now, for more contrast, let's take passion and love for comparison. How love differs from is often compared with an impulse and even with falling in love. She is not endowed with constancy, she flares up in a relationship, then fades away. She is able to push a person to both the most courageous act and the most vile one. What is the difference between passion and love? Psychology does not give a definite answer. Rather, he tries not to separate one from the other, but to make these two feelings mutually beneficial for both partners. If passion is positive and thereby elevates love, then it is harmony. If passion has a negative character in love, then this is a relationship disfigured by jealousy, suspicion and resentment. Unlike passion, love is characterized by constancy and tolerance. These two feelings must exist together in the first, nascent stages of a relationship. Then only love should remain.

Sympathy, falling in love or love?

Love begins with sympathy. This feeling is evaluative. At the level of sympathy, an assessment of the object, its character, behavior takes place. It is at this stage that falling in love can arise, which later turns into a deeper feeling, such as love. How is love different from sympathy? Depth. Sympathy is superficial and ambiguous. This is just a quick glance, a pleasant word or conversation. Sympathy does not oblige to confess love, does not oblige to love. However, it is sympathy that can be decisive in the beginning relationship. Of course, partners will have to go a long and thorny path to love, but sympathy is like a pleasant start to the journey. First love is sympathy and passion. The next relationship is already sympathy and work on the mistakes of the previous relationship. That is why the first love is so memorable and so fleeting.

Psychological essay

How is passion different from love? Anyone who cannot understand their relationship can write an essay on this topic for himself personally. Only loneliness can help to find the right answer. A person who is for passion, lives in an instant, but not life. For him, the moment is important, not the course of life. This is the relationship of a moth that flies into the light of a candle without thinking about the consequences. A person who, for love, makes plans for the future, dreams, matures to create a family. It is not the present day or even today's events that are important for him, he lives in the future. Relationship psychology is so complex that it is completely impossible to understand it. Different people, different reasons. Psychologists can only routinely analyze a similar situation, and only a few manage to find the true reason and possible options for resolving situations. It is the people who are overwhelmed by passion who more often than others attend psychological trainings or directly turn to a psychologist. It can be extremely difficult to understand yourself, so an outside perspective is needed.

Tender passion or tender love?

What is the difference between love, passion and tender love? Perhaps it is worth saying that love is quite brutal in nature. She is calm, reasonable, she does not prove anything. Passion is just tender, it allows the beloved to enjoy his partner, to show all tenderness, attention, so that the relationship still burns and does not cool down. It is through tenderness that passion proves that relationships are at their peak, and it is there that they can end or turn into love. Even if you say out loud "tender passion", you can immediately feel that the words contradict each other, do not agree. Yes, passion is not gentle, it is violent, dangerous, thoughtless and at the same time bewitching. Therefore, the very concept of "tenderness" can be attributed to a specific moment, but not to the feeling in general.

Passion is inspiration

If you turn to the history of art, you will notice that all the great works were written by the authors in a fit of passion and inspiration. How love differs from passion, they did not know when they created splendor, but it was a symbiosis of love and passion. So in relationships, passion inspires, love restrains passion. No, these are not two sisters, rather, two rivals who are fighting in a person for the right to remain in his heart, mind, in his life. Passion is always actions, a person cannot express an attitude in another way, he needs to prove his claims to the object of adoration every time. Sometimes these actions lead to the end of the relationship. The other half are bored with such behavior, which does not develop into anything further. In other words, passion must have a limit.

How to recognize love?

How is love different from passion? How to recognize precisely love and not entrust your heart to a seeker of love adventures? Firstly, no one will talk about their love as something sublime, unattainable. Love is reasonable. She knows who and in spite of what she exalts. Secondly, love is not a moment, not a flash, not a sprint dash for a short distance. They come to this feeling gradually, looking closely. If we say how love differs from passion, then, of course, devotion. Passion is a flame, it can arise at the first meeting. It is often confused with love at first sight. Some joke that love at first sight tends to be love at first sight. This substitution of concepts fully answers the question of how passion differs from love. Desire and passion go side by side. Love always goes alone. And one more small clarification: love has no peculiarities, because everyone has their own, special one. It is enough to remember the love stories, they are all different, and each has a lot to learn.

Passion and love: what are relationships built on?

If in heaven there is only talk about the sea, as the heroes of the film "Knockin 'on Heaven" claim, then on earth there is only talk about love. Probably, you need to be very original so as not to write about it on the eve of the holiday of lovers. Let's talk about love and passion!
For many people, these two concepts are identical, they are periodically confused, but from the point of view of psychological health and healthy relationships, this is fraught with problems. This endless confusion is due to the fact that often these two feelings occur in parallel.

If we try to define "love" now, we will have to release a multivolume book with hundreds of thousands of text, and add terabytes of video and audio materials. So let's focus on the difference between love and passion, and build on just a few points.

Dictionary "Ozhegova" love defines as a strong sense of deep disposition, selfless and sincere affection. A passion like a fervent desire.

These two conflicting definitions will help us distinguish between these feelings. Love is based on intimacy, while passion is solely based on desire.

Passion- a person's lust, which is uncontrollable and has a significant impact on his thinking and behavior.

E. Fromm argued that instincts, or natural drives, are rooted in the physiological needs of a person, while human passions are in his character. In other words: instincts Is the answer to the physiological needs of a person, then passion- the answer to his existential needs.

E. Fromm distinguished between rational passions (for example, love) and irrational passions (greed, vanity, etc.). Rational passions are viable. They lead to self-affirmation of a person, enhance his sense of joy, contribute to the manifestation of his integrity and give meaning to his life. Irrational passions, on the contrary, interfere with the life of a person, undermine his strength, lead to duality and the loss of the meaning of life. A person is possessed by such passions as the need for love, tenderness, solidarity, freedom, truth, on the one hand, and the thirst for power, submission, destruction, on the other. All these and many other passions lead him through life, become the cause of excitement and anxiety, are the source that feeds dreams, myths, legends, religions, art, literature.

What is the foundation of a relationship?

In the context of talking about relationships and love, of course, we consider first of all love passion... The reason for this passion lies in the biochemistry of the body. The first thing we notice in the object of our attraction is bodily sympathy, here our unconscious ideals of beauty work. The second is the smell produced by the pheromone, which is recognized by the organ on the wall of the nasal sinuses. Therefore, one smell of a person for us looks like "mine, attracts", while the other, on the contrary, "not mine."

Passion- This is a feeling that causes very strong emotions due to the powerful release of adrenaline, neurotrophins, which act like a drug, into the bloodstream. This is why we enjoy being attracted so much.

For a person, this feeling is like a long-awaited, fresh breath, giving an incredible amount of strength, a storm of emotions, an incredible rise in motivation.

Have you already been impressed by this explosive mixture of biochemistry and mental processes? But unlike animals, we make decisions using reason and logic. You can give in to passion (such is the nature of man), but whether to give in to passions is an ethical and psychological question for everyone.

Relationships based on passion

In a relationship based on passion, fulfilling your desires comes first. In this state, we want to experience vivid love emotions, to be with another, but we do not want to get attached. These two opposing forces create tension, a barrier that prevents the other from seeing and accepting. If passion fills the entire space of a relationship, it will destroy them, and ultimately lead to loneliness. In pursuit of passions, we are unable to accept the warmth and care of another. Often, independent people are victims of their passion: relationships have brought pain and disappointment, and now unliving passion and fear prevent you from experiencing true love.

Therefore, we can say that passion itself is wonderful, but when it occupies only part of the relationship and is rational. Moreover, the production of hormones responsible for attachment and positive reinforcement of sexual behavior lasts no more than two to three years. Painful passion, like madness, deprives a person of his personality. We strive to consume the other by abandoning ourselves. Such a relationship is akin to blackmail, where the question “do you love me?” Is constantly asked, although in fact the person orders “love me!”.

In love there may be passion, but in passion there is no place for love.

Relationship on love

What about love? The first is undoubtedly a more lasting feeling than passion. V healthy relationships there is “I” and there is “YOU”, there are clear boundaries, there is freedom and trust, there is care and warmth, and at the same time there is an amazing feeling of closeness. It's not for nothing that I singled out “healthy relationships”, because there are unhealthy forms of such relationships that tend to pass off as love. These include, for example, dependent relationships (dependent love). When there are no boundaries between "I" and "YOU", and there is only one form - "WE". Such a relationship can last for years and bring a lot of suffering in exchange for moments of happiness.

In a love relationship, the happiness and desires of the other are highly valued, the feelings of the other are respected. Such relationships are always long-term, and like any relationship they inevitably meet with crises. However, in the case of mutual love, actions are chosen and considered with care, with a desire to negotiate and find a common solution.

Unfortunately, far away not all people have experienced unconditional love from their mother, in their parental family, did not know the experience of open, safe and trusting relationships. Therefore, in adulthood, they can demonstrate a certain a surrogate that seems to them to be love.

And only a miracle can cope with the situation if they meet a truly loving other person and are open enough to learn to love. In all other cases, this is exclusively work on oneself. In everyday psychology, it is generally accepted that people do not know how to express negative feelings and emotions, and from this they have problems. But I often come across another phenomenon when people do not know how to express feelings of love, and even worse - they simply do not have the experience of this love.

Learn to separate passion from love, learn to love! Let not only passion cover you, but there will be love in your life!