For some reason, it is generally accepted that a child cannot be vicious. Children-criminals, maniacs or murderers can become heroes of horror films, and only ... And yet they sometimes appear among us. In the most ordinary families, with normal parents. How do you recognize them and what to do if your child turns out to be a sociopath?
Primarily, such a child does not give in " general rules"And he has his own ideas about what is good or bad... He can brutally beat another person (most often a peer) only because he refused him something or did something he did not like. His aggression is by no means innocent. So, in our yard there once lived a boy who threw stones at passers-by. Fortunately, I never hit anyone in such a way as to cause significant injury. Not to mention the fact that almost all sociopaths tend to torment animals as a child.
For such children, there may be no authority. To teach them to live in a human society, one has to resort to harsh violent measures - for example, after a misconduct, lock a child in his room, not give him food ... Then he realizes that in case of disobedience, bad consequences await him, and begins to behave in this way, so as not to call them.
Parents of sociopathic children sometimes say that they are simply afraid of them, that they cause them a feeling of some kind of transcendental fear. They even ascribe some "devilish" properties to such a child. For example, in one family a three-year-old kid broke everything that came to hand, reacting to the parents' comments with the same phrase: "I will kill you all the same." After a while, the boy's father died under mysterious circumstances. The mother is convinced that it was the son who was responsible for the death of her husband. Sometimes he looks into her eyes with an unblinking gaze, making her grow cold with horror ...
A woman named Valentina claims that her Igorek, starting from the age of 4, behaved like an adult man: he had a completely non-childish look, and his actions were far from childish ... For example, he could pinch a mother or her girlfriends for or to slap on the ass and at the same time burst out laughing, as a cheeky youth would do ... Once, in the first grade, the teacher made a remark to Igor, and soon ended up in intensive care with an incomprehensible diagnosis and a temperature of 40. According to Valentina, her son somehow punished the teacher ...
Nadezhda Sergeevna once asked her daughter, schoolgirl Dasha, to make her tea. When the girl handed her a cup, she tasted a strange taste. It turned out that Dasha put rat poison in a cup ... She wanted to poison her mother so that after her death she could live in their apartment together with her friend ...
There are quite a few cases when an older child, jealous of his parents for the younger, tries to destroy his brother or sister in any way available to him. Sometimes his criminal plan succeeds, sometimes not, but one can imagine the reaction of his parents ...
Older people can go for the murder of their peers or even adults - say, homeless people, whom they consider "the dregs of society." It's not uncommon for sociopaths to have school slaughterhouses. For example, in March 2005 in Red Lake, Minnesota, 15-year-old Jeff Wiz killed nine people and wounded 15, while he himself shot himself. In November 2007, in the Finnish city of Tuusula, student Erik Auvinen shot eight people, including the headmaster. With the last patron, Auvinen shot himself in the head and subsequently died in hospital. Not so long ago, a 17-year-old girl from San Diego, California, came to her school and staged a mass execution there with an automatic rifle. She managed to kill two teachers, as well as wound eight students and one policeman. When the girl was taken to the police, she said: "I hate Mondays!"
Children-maniacs are not always born in dysfunctional families. It happens that they are born in a completely favorable environment, parents give them enough attention, love ...
Unfortunately, adults sometimes start sounding the alarm rather late - for example, when a child or has already done something terrible. It happens that then the parents abandon their child, send him somewhere far away, or simply kick him out of the house. Meanwhile, sociopathic traits usually show up in the early years. If you notice that the baby does not behave quite adequately, for example, shows unreasonable aggression, and this goes beyond simple pranks and whims, then you should not reassure yourself, expecting that everything will be corrected over the years, and not hesitate to contact a specialist - child psychiatrist or psychotherapist.
Fortunately, in many cases, sociopathic behavior can be corrected. Experts advise channeling the destructive energy of such a child in the “right” direction. From a little sociopath, an outstanding athlete, artist, musician can grow. Having realized in his field of activity, he will cease to direct aggression at the people around him and will be able to more or less adapt to the society in which he lives, although, perhaps, he will never become completely adequate.
If a child has a clear mental abnormality and he poses a danger to others, then you have to decide whether you are ready to take responsibility for him and restrict your son or daughter's contacts with the world around him all your life, so that he does not harm other living beings ... Or he will be in a special institution where you can visit him from time to time. It's not an easy choice, but don't blame yourself for what happened: Sociopathy is usually congenital.
Social phobia literally translates as fear of society. About 40% of cases of social phobia begin before the age of ten, and 95% - before the age of twenty. It is especially difficult for schoolchildren to experience the first manifestations of social phobia, because school is the first real encounter with the model of a "society of strangers", and not every child can adapt to its requirements. Naturally, he will have much more difficulties in the learning process than an ordinary student. About 40% of children with social phobia refuse school altogether because of their feelings of anxiety. A survey of children who refuse to attend school showed that at least 30% of them suffer from social phobia. Needless to say, how are the consequences of this reflected on the adult life of such a child, if he never masters the mechanisms of social interactions?
Children with social phobia experience fear and anxiety in situations that psychologists call socially significant. These can be minutes when you have to communicate with strangers, talk with teachers, answer in a lesson, do something in the presence of others (or under supervision); become the object of jokes; eat with strangers, etc.
Often, social phobia is accompanied by palpitations, tremors, sweating, muscle tension, feeling of "sucking" in the stomach, dry mouth, feeling hot or cold and headache, suffering from social phobia. In critical situations, children with social phobia often blush, suffer from unexpected digestive disorders, such as sudden abdominal pain or the so-called "bear sickness".
Where does it start?
If we evaluate the problem from the standpoint of psychoanalysis, it can be argued that it is the first days and months of a child's life that can become critical and, under an unfavorable combination of circumstances, create the basis for future social phobia. In the process of conducting psychotherapy for such patients, we are repeatedly convinced of the lack of sufficient warmth and care around them when they were babies. It has been proven that a child does not just need a mother as a kind of warm living heating pad that gives him milk and changes diapers. Mother at first personifies the whole world for him.
One of the classics of modern psychoanalysis, Briton Donald Woods Winnicott wrote that a mother who takes a child in her arms must actively communicate with him, talking in a gentle voice and stroking him, even if she is very tired. And - by all means smile, because the baby also smiles at the same time, and such a kind of exchange of emotions is as necessary for the child as milk. It is thanks to this seemingly simple set of sensations that the child learns that the world he has come to accepts and welcomes him.
If the baby does not receive all this, he begins to show anxiety, anxiety, he becomes literally physically worse, and the world around him seems threatening and hostile. It can be assumed that the core of the future social phobia is concentrated here. The problem is aggravated if the child is sent early to a nursery, kindergarten, or the mother entrusts the care of him to someone else, even a loved one. Infant stress cannot be avoided. This terrible moment of the first parting with his mother is accompanied by the first real fear of society, which at any moment can take her away from him forever.
Patience and time
If you suspect that your child has manifestations of social anxiety, pay close attention to this. Social phobia can precede many different psychopathological conditions. We, doctors, are used to calling them "comorbid", which in Latin means "associated with the disease." Researchers from the World Psychiatric Association found that social phobia is a primary pathology in 70.9% of people with comorbid depression, in 76.7% of people with comorbid drug addiction and in 85% of people with comorbid alcoholism. These numbers are another argument in favor of the need to identify and treat social phobia as early as possible. It was also noticed that there is a close relationship between social phobia and the subsequent development of metabolic disorders, for example, obesity.
If a child refuses to go to school, is reluctant to communicate with peers, you should not resort to threats or exhortations such as: "Pull yourself together, you are already big." Consult your son or daughter with a psychologist, psychotherapist. Perhaps this is not just about natural shyness or character traits, but about a problem that, unnoticed in time, in the future will create a lot of problems for your child.
Treatment may take a long time - about six months. The insidiousness of social anxiety lies in the fact that by itself, no method of treatment, no matter how wonderful it is, does not work. Tormenting fears, and this is currently considered proven, can be more or less successfully resisted only by complex treatment, including the use of psychotropic drugs, psychotherapy and psychological training.
Modern drugs used in the treatment of social phobia do not form dependence, and after its termination they do not cause the so-called "withdrawal symptom", in which the drug must be returned again and again, often with increasing doses.
Parents will have to be patient and learn to cooperate with doctors and psychologists, but, you must admit, this is the very case when the end justifies the means.
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Social phobia is a disorder in which a child is so sensitive to the slightest change in his emotional state that he overreacts and feels awkward and embarrassed in situations where he needs to be around people or to contact them. In this regard, he develops an intense irrational fear of any socially significant situations - he is afraid of public criticism, condemnation, and even just the attention of others to himself. And he is always worried about not saying or doing something that could embarrass him in front of the people around him.
Social phobia (social anxiety disorder) is often confused with shyness and shyness, but it is a more serious problem and requires a very delicate and subtle approach.
Social phobia can manifest itself in two main forms. It can be aimed at an action related to social contact, while the child is afraid to perform even the simplest situational tasks, such as, for example, being in a store and having difficulty choosing a product, publicly asking for help from the seller. Social phobia can also be directed at actions associated with interpersonal influence, while the child avoids social events or is afraid to go to school so as not to be visible and not to draw attention to himself.
Factors contributing to social phobia in children
Social phobia can be caused by both external and internal factors. Some of the causes of social anxiety disorder in young children are:
- Heredity. Yes, this disorder can be hereditary. If your child has a close blood relative who suffers from social phobia, there is a chance that it will be genetically passed on to your child.
- Parental behavior. Believe it or not, you parents are also a contributing factor in this disorder. Overly critical or overly protective parenting can contribute to your child's social phobia.
- Low self-esteem. Children with low self-esteem tend to become obsessed with negative aspects of their personality, so they are more susceptible to this disorder.
- Negative experience. If your child has experienced any kind of trauma, such as the death of a loved one or bullying in front of the whole class, such incidents can lead to social anxiety disorder.
Symptoms of social phobia in children
Social anxiety disorder in children is not easy to detect because it can easily be mistaken for shyness, shyness, or shyness. However, there are some obvious symptoms that can help determine whether a child is suffering from social anxiety disorder or not.
- Just before going to a social event or school, your little one will always feel unwell, such as stomach pains, profuse sweating, or shortness of breath.
- Attending social events, the child remains withdrawn, trying to become as if invisible so that no one notices him and does not speak to him.
- Reluctance to make friends or play with children of your own age.
- If routine tasks such as reading aloud in class, talking to adults, or speaking in front of an audience cause extreme psychological stress in your child, then the child is suffering from social anxiety disorder.
Treatment and assistance
A social phobia that lasts a long time leads to depression. In children, the disorder can be treated with drugs and non-drug treatments. The earlier a child is diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, the easier it is to treat it. Below are some of the treatments that can help you cope with your social anxiety disorder.
- Breath. Teach your child the art of breathing calmly, which he should practice in the event of anxiety, which will surely help him stay calm. If practiced regularly, this method can work wonders.
- Medicines. There are antidepressants that are designed to treat social anxiety disorder. But they should only be used as directed by a doctor.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This is an effective and reliable method of psychotherapy, especially in the treatment of social anxiety, which is designed to develop the child's skills to overcome crises, behave in difficult circumstances, so that in case of anxiety and fear, he can change his way of thinking and cope with social anxiety disorder.
However, as we all well know, prevention is better than cure. Therefore, parents should do their best to create a balanced and healthy environment for their child at home, which will help them easily detect changes in their behavior and nip the problem in the bud.
The mother is the most important person in the child's life. But it so happens that it is she, who is loving, gentle and kind, who becomes a real tyrant in relation to her grown child. This is expressed, as a rule, in very strict requirements, total control, constant instructions and condemnations. And, behold, the girl is already getting married, and her mother still acts as if she were still in school.
Tyrant mother: signs
Not all adult children realize that their mother is a real tyrant. After all, she has been an authority for them since childhood, and children think that this is how it should be. The reason for unquestioning obedience can be the specific environment in which the girl grew up. For example, until now, in villages, girls from the cradle can be taught that for her the word of the mother will always be the law, regardless of the girl's age. By the way, one should not think that mothers continue to exercise their leadership function only in relation to their daughters. Sons are no less susceptible to this, just less often emphasized on this.
Specific signs can be identified that indicate that a person is subjected to tyranny from the mother. Namely:
- All serious decisions in your life are not made by you, but by your mother. For you.
- Your opinion is always wrong. And it doesn't matter what you are discussing - a TV show or buying furniture.
- Mother often utters the following phrases: "You don't understand anything," "First, live up to my age," "I won't advise you bad things!"
- The mother constantly talks to you in a raised voice, but she does not allow you to raise your voice.
- The mother inspires you that she gave birth to you precisely in order for you to help her all your life. But no matter how you try to please her, you always go wrong.
- They are trying to impose a feeling of guilt on you even for the smallest offense. You constantly hear in your address that you are “ungrateful”, “they do everything” for you.
- The mother manipulates her health. Her blood pressure rises when you go for a walk, she calls an ambulance if you do not fulfill her requirements. She says that if she dies, you will be to blame.
- The mother often emphasizes that she has done and is doing too much for her child. As a result, you have a sense of debt that you can never repay. After all, she traded her career and personal life for motherhood.
What to do to protect yourself from the tyrant mother?
johnhain / PixabayThe most important thing to do to shield yourself from maternal authoritarianism is not to live with your mother. Separate housing is a guarantee of calm nerves. Therefore, as soon as your financial capabilities begin to allow it, it makes sense to think about moving.
In no case should one get married just to leave the parental home. No matter how it turned out like in that saying about “fire and blaze”.
What if you have to live together?
The situation in which an adult child lives with a tyrant mother can be classified as difficult. It is impossible to make friends with a tyrant, since it will not be, but simply suppression of one's personality. The only thing that can be done in such a situation is to keep neutrality.
- You must demonstrate to your mother that you are independent. And for this you need to be completely financially independent (except for the lack of separate housing). How to do it? This is not an easy task, but it is quite feasible with the right approach.
- Do everything as you see fit. Instead of consulting your mom, let her know about purchases or decisions after the fact. If you nevertheless told your mother about your plans, and she did not approve of them, take it calmly, do not argue with her. Say that you yourself are able to make decisions according to your desires.
- You need to respond to shouts and insults with absolute calmness and even indifference. It is enough just to go to your room, not paying attention to the harshness. Remember that you will never argue with a tyrant, even if your reasons are logical.
As strange as it may sound, the tyrant mother is an energy vampire who feels good when you feel bad. You will never be right, so just stop making excuses, trying to explain something, obeying. Don't share your emotions. If you don’t give them away, no one will take them.