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The severity of the loss of loved ones cannot be conveyed in words. It is difficult to hold back tears when remembering them, to cope with emotions and get used to living when they are not around. But why do they say that you cannot cry for the deceased?
According to the canons of the Orthodox Church, it is forbidden to shed tears for the departed for a long time. This fact is based on the philosophical attitude towards death among Christians. Human souls are immortal. And the bodies of the deceased, according to the accepted burial rite, are buried. The soul of a close and dear person passes into a perfect life and receives a second birth. Priests do not recommend spending energy and strength on tears for deceased relatives, but advise paying attention to prayers for the repose of their souls. Such actions help to pull yourself together and stop shedding bitter tears over such a tragedy.
The following version of the answer is opinion based medical professionals and psychologists. A prolonged depressive state, based on increased tearfulness of the relatives of a deceased person, leads to the development of pathological conditions nervous system... According to psychologists, constant grief over long months and frequent tears lead to the diagnosis of serious mental and physical illnesses, including loss of mind and insanity. Such people should not be left unattended and, in the event of a prolonged depression, seek the help of qualified specialists.
Another version of why it is believed that one should not cry for the deceased is based on folk signs. According to such signs, a statement appeared that the increased tearfulness of relatives leads the dead to cold and excess moisture. After all, all the tears fall on them in another world, and it will be more difficult for their souls to find peace. They also have prophetic dreams in which deceased relatives ask to stop mourning them. Frequent prayers, funeral services for the souls of loved ones, ordered in churches are considered the best expression of sincere love for them.
Of course, it is difficult to restrain emotions, tears after the death of relatives, to resist the surging grief. The mental pain of loss can be compared to terrible physical suffering. But this will not make it easier for the deceased, and a stressful situation, prolonged depression, a state of constant sadness and grief will lead to new troubles, deterioration of the health of living relatives. Therefore, there is no need to cry for a deceased person. It is better to constantly light candles for the repose of his soul, and order memorial services.
Incredible facts
Is it possible to mourn deceased relatives or is it absolutely impossible to do this?
Perhaps this question worries everyone who at least once in their life has lost their close and dear person.
Is it possible to mourn the deceased
Opinions on this matter are fundamentally different. Some argue that it's okay to cry for the deceased. Others say: this cannot be done! After all, our loved ones, where they are, only hurt more from this.
So, the main question is this: do they feel from heaven that we are crying for them?
Is it really sad for them to see that their loved ones mourn? Often we hear advice not to cry for loved ones who have died, otherwise we will harm and worry them.
Is it true?
These are the questions that are most often asked to psychics by those who have lost their loved ones.
All these burning questions were answered by Fara Gibson, a medium and psychic, who claims that she communicates with the world of spirits, so she is able to shed light on some things.
What to do after the death of a loved one
So, here's what Pharah Gibson has to say about this:
I will try to honestly answer these questions. So, let's start with the topic of whether it is possible to mourn the deceased loved ones.
The tears that you cry for a loved one who went to Heaven are special. They are different from the ones we shed in other situations.
These tears are not filled with the pain that you pass on to your loved one in heaven. There is no hatred, anger, guilt, frustration, or any other negative emotion in your tears that could hurt or harm the souls of your loved ones.
Your tears are only tears of love. Your love for them is the driving force behind these tears.
But perhaps you are angry with them for leaving you, or are you feeling guilty about their departure? And this is possible ... Similar emotions are often experienced by everyone who has lost a loved one. However, in any case, there is love behind them.
Anger, disappointment, resentment, guilt - all these negative emotions are created by the human mind. These are the thoughts, feelings and emotions that we overcome on the path of grief. But your tears don't come from anger, frustration, or anger.
Your tears are nothing more than the life that you have shared with your loved ones. Your tears represent the moments you yearn to share with your loved ones in the physical world. Your tears mean the moments when you miss them here in the physical world. Your tears represent the unconditional, unshakable and pure Love that you feel for your loved ones who have passed away.
A loved one died
Do your departed loved ones from heaven see that you are crying? Do they see your tears? The answer to this question is yes. Your loved ones fully observe everything that happens to you, including the tears on your face.
There is nothing that escapes their attention. Remember, no matter what happens, they are always on your side. And when they see your tears, they try to send you something that will cause joy and provoke even a slight smile on their face through these tears.
They know that your tears are an indicator of the tremendous love that you have. They also know how much you miss them.
However, there is one more important point: your loved ones and loved ones, being in Heaven, are absolutely incapable of feeling a negative message, thought, feeling or emotion. This means that your loved ones know that you miss them, however, they do not miss you ...
Let me clarify this point as well. Since there is no negativity in Heaven, they are unable to miss you. Instead of missing you, they just love you. This is the truth you need to accept and understand.
There, in heaven, they experience pure, unconditional, and unshakable love for those who remain on earth. They are confident that they will meet you when you go to heaven. Therefore, there is no point in missing someone.
Our time here on Earth seems to drag on forever ... In heaven, our life is just a blink of an eye ...
After the death of a loved one
Do grief and tears hinder and harm my loved ones in heaven?
“Let me answer this question as clearly as possible ... Very often people who have lost a loved one come to me. They come after having visited a clairvoyant or medium who told them that crying is bad.
Remember one thing: no true medium should say anything negative about heaven. If the psychic is really real, then he will never help to make a person feel fear. "
In addition, after talking with a real psychic, you should feel some relief, feel as if you just had a phone call from Heaven, and you spent this time talking with your loved one. You should feel peace and quiet in your soul.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to bring your loved one back. However, you must remember that your relatives continue to live in a pure and perfect world filled with light and love.
Therefore, if some medium tells you that now your deceased loved one is in the middle of two worlds, that he is stuck in limbo somewhere, just because you are crying for him, do not believe it.
Most likely, the reason why dishonest false mediums tell people these things is because they are simply not really knowledgeable about the afterlife.
Therefore, they simply instill fear in you, claiming that your loved ones feel bad from the fact that you shed tears for them.
In fact, this is not the case!
Your loved ones understand your tears.
After all, they also lived the life that you are living now, and they perfectly understand that there are things that are very painful, even if they happen because of great love.
They are not asking you not to cry. Of course, they are happy when you are happy, when you laugh and smile. However, your tears do not harm them in any way, they do not make them unhappy, as some false mediums are trying to impose on us.
Relatives after death
Another question that worries many of those who have lost their loved ones: are they sad because I cry? The answer to this question is also no!
They are simply unable to be sad because they live in Heaven, where there is no place for negative emotions and feelings.
Can you paint the most perfect place, fill that space with more love, and then multiply the resulting picture by infinity? This is the only way you can imagine how and where the souls of your deceased loved ones live. And you will understand that where they are now, they really feel good.
Trust that the guilt you feel is not at all what they would like you to feel. The souls of your deceased loved ones do not need such sacrifices at all.
Your pain is not necessary for them to feel your love for them. Perhaps you were not on the best terms with the deceased during his life, and now it gnaws at you. Perhaps you reproach yourself for continuing to live on this Earth, while your loved one passed away.
Stop feeling guilty! Instead, remember those moments of joy and happiness that you managed to experience together during the earthly life of your loved one. These happy moments should remain in the memory of your loved ones.
Even if your relationship with a dear person was not the most ideal, this does not mean at all that from there, from heaven, he loves you somehow less.
Let your past become a lesson for you in order to avoid in the future those mistakes that you once made in relation to your loved one. Perhaps you didn't tell him in time that you love him, or didn't give him enough love and affection. Don't feel guilty about this. It will burn you from the inside and ruin your life. There is nothing worse than a burning feeling of guilt.
Instead, take this lesson from the past to improve your future relationships.
Sometimes what seemed like an obstacle in your path was meant to start appreciating some points. Therefore, you should not feel guilty about doing something wrong in the past. It was a lesson that you need to learn and draw the appropriate conclusions.
Mentally thank the deceased loved one for all the good things that you had to go through together.
They see you crying from Heaven and they know that you are crying for love. They hear your prayers and your words when you speak to them. They even know that you think about them in moments of silence and see the dreams that you have.
In any case, they love you and are proud of you. Our whole life is filled with lessons of love and strength. Most of all, we develop through our struggle and willpower.
The departure of a loved one is the greatest lesson in love and the most important test of strength that life can give us.
So remember about your loved ones and cry for them when you feel like it. Your tears do not harm them in any way. After all, they are an expression of the deepest love that you have for them.
The editors of the site ask you to pay attention to the fact that this article is the point of view of one of the famous psychics and mediums Farah Gibson.
- Where does a person begin?
- From crying to the deceased, -
answered the philosopher Merab Mamardashvili
to the question of the psychologist A. N. Leontiev.
A phrase that, at first glance, is perplexing, but if you think about it ...
A person becomes a person only when he learns to understand and accept his own emotions, positive and negative. You do not need to cope with positive emotions, they are not about the "work" of the psyche, but about "pleasure."
But processing the grief of loss is work, and very hard work for our psyche. But it is necessary. The ability to grieve, worry is an integral part of the formation of a healthy human psyche.
In a child who has not experienced a sufficient amount of frustrations in childhood, the psyche will be formed with deviations, and these seemingly insignificant deviations, in the future, greatly affect social adaptation, interpersonal relationships, pairing and much more.
I want to devote today's article to the stages and types of mourning.
I will also tell you about how men and women experience grief in different ways.
I'll start with a parable about a woman who lost her beloved son. Her grief was so great that she was on the verge of despair and decided to go to a sage who knew how to work miracles. Heartbroken mother fell at his feet and begged to return her son.
Moved by her prayer, the sage said that he would resurrect his son, but only after she showed him three houses in which no one died. The sage's task seemed simple to the woman, she resolutely set off to look for a family that death did not visit.
She went into one house, another, a third, and in each house the owners told her that they had buried loved ones. Having bypassed her city, the woman went to wander through other villages, hoping to find a house that death had spared. However, no matter how much she walked, she did not find a single such house. Then gradually she began to understand that the death of loved ones is an inevitable side of life, and was able to come to terms with the loss of her son.
It is worth noting that the understanding and acceptance of her loss did not come to a woman right away!
If you look closely at the stages of mourning, you will notice that the approximate time of their end falls on the key days of commemoration of the dead set by Orthodoxy - the ninth, fortieth days, the first anniversary.
The first stage - "shock", "numbness"- is necessary for a person in order to survive, not to thoroughly destroy the psyche (it happens from seven to nine days). At the moment of shock, the body rebuilds / tunes the psyche to work with grief. At first, it is difficult for a person to accept that this happened to him. During this period, there is a denial of what is happening, mental numbness, physiological processes are disrupted, behavior changes.
The second stage is "denial" or "withdrawal"(in time it partially overlaps the first and third stages). The person denies that this happened in general and with him in particular. He continues to behave as if the person is alive, setting the table, setting a cup for him, preparing sandwiches for work, in the evenings he goes out to meet the deceased from work. Many parents come to school / kindergarten to “pick up the child”. This behavior is not a deviation from the norm, in the second stage of mourning this is exactly the norm!
The next stage is the recognition stage(lasts up to 6-7 weeks). This is the hardest part of all grieving. During the first two stages, the human body builds up defenses so as not to fall apart; by the third stage, the psyche is ready to “accept suffering”.
And here emotions burst out, a person screams, sobs, cries out for help from everyone and everything, looks for the “guilty” and curses the “culprit”. It is the hardest part for those around you at this stage. In this situation, a person cannot be prohibited from crying and blaming everyone for his grief, he must release despair outward. During this period, the psyche recognizes - there is a loss!
Acceptance of loss is an important stage in order to move on, to live. With an unfavorable passage of the crisis, a person remains to live with the illusion that a loved one is alive. The belongings of the deceased are kept, the rooms are turned into altars. Living children and relatives are left unattended. They die in the eyes of the suffering person, being alive, and this is no less painful for them than the loss of a person. They may develop a “survivor complex”, which requires a separate study with a psychologist.
After going through three stages, comes the fourth and lasts about a year. The person accepts what happened to him. Grief turns into melancholy, the person remembers the deceased, but at the same time does not deny his death. He begins to ask himself instead of the questions “Why did this happen? What is it for? Maybe this is a punishment? " the question "How can I live on?" The deceased ceases to be the center of the grieving person's life.
And finally, the fifth stage. Completion stage... The image of the deceased takes its permanent place in the life of the bereaved. The person continues to live, keeping in the memory of the deceased.
All these stages must be passed, and in the exact sequence as described. If some stage is "omitted", it will certainly make itself felt in the future.
We all experience the same emotions in different ways. This also applies to mourning. How the process of experiencing loss will proceed, how intense and long it will be depends on many factors. A person, regardless of whom he lost and how, will experience the loss the way it was experienced in his family.
Gender differences will follow in importance.
Women are not inclined to hide their emotions for a long time, they move faster than men from the first to the second and from the second to the third stage of mourning. The permissiveness of society to show emotions more intensively helps to quickly get out of the crisis.
Men "do not cry", and therefore carry all the experiences in themselves. That is why their grief is often prolonged or delayed. Men not only hide their grief, they are forced to take the blow of an explosion of female emotions. Men try more intensively to supplant the loss, work harder, they have a hobby, they often try to leave the family and for a longer period of time, “endless business trips” begin.
The following factors are relatively the same for both men and women. This includes the significance of the deceased and the characteristics of the relationship with him, the amount and importance of what was not done for the deceased, the circumstances of death, the age of the deceased, cultural traditions of attitudes towards death, personal experience of loss, social ties of those who grieve and much more.
Grief becomes pathological
when the "work of sorrow" is unsuccessful or incomplete.
(3. Freud, "Sorrow and Melancholy")
What happens to a person who does not go through all the stages of mourning? Where does the grief go? Maybe it just dissolves by itself?
Unfortunately no. It is displaced, driven further into the depths. It takes a latent chronic form and can have serious negative consequences. In a person who has suffered a loss, after a certain time, the lurking experience of loss still makes itself felt, more often in a destructive form.
In psychology, there is the concept of "anniversary syndrome". Its essence lies in the fact that unexperienced grief and strong unconscious identification with a deceased person can lead to unconscious "attempts to die" on the same day or month as the significant deceased.
In history we find such facts (the death of Simone de Beauvoir, the wife of the famous French existentialist J.P. Sartre, died on the eve of his death six years later). Probably, an important role is played here by the self-programming of a person to repeat the elements of the fate of someone close to him. Not only dates can be copied, but also circumstances, methods.
Conscious planning is also a sign of unlived mourning. "I will live, like my father, to 35, and I will die." In such situations, a person did not go through the last stages and did not make a decision that he should continue to live.
But more often such self-programming takes place unconsciously, and sometimes not without the help of "well-wishers" - "Your mother lived to see your birth, and she died." He lives such a "programmed" one and never, without understanding why, never marries or has children, but sometimes he has and died. Indeed, he died on the same day as his mother, a few years apart.
In psychological practice, there are sometimes surprising cases when parents who have not experienced the loss of a child tell how a child born later is born on the same day with the deceased. And there would be nothing surprising in this if the children were born on time, but we are talking about very premature or post-term babies. Further, children get sick in the same period, with the same diseases, stuff the same bumps, scratch the same knee, break the same arm on the same day.
There is also another side: parents are disappointed that the other child is not like the deceased, is not like him and, therefore, cannot replace him. The child becomes a victim of circumstances.
And this is far from full list consequences of not experienced grief.
Sooner or later, the one who avoids the fullness of the grief experience breaks down and falls into depression.
(John Bowlby, "Affection")
A person who has had the fate of losing a close and significant person changes from the inside. It is very important that the mourning goes through all the stages, in this case the person has every chance to continue living, seeing and hearing his family and friends. Find application for yourself in the future. To be loved and to love. Withstand trials.
Lord, does not give us a larger cross than we can bear!
- Some people, after the death of a loved one, quickly come to their senses and return to normal life, others suffer for months or even years, reaching physical illnesses and mental disorders. Is this excessive suffering a normal reaction to this event?
- When a person loses a loved one, it is quite natural that he suffers. Suffering for many reasons. This is grief for that person, loved, close, dear, with whom he parted. It happens that self-pity strangles the one who has lost support in a person who has passed away. This may be a feeling of guilt due to the fact that a person cannot give him what he would like to give or owe him, because he did not consider it necessary in his time to do good and love.
Problems arise when we do not let go of a person. From our point of view, death is unjust, and very often many people even reproach God: "How unjust are you, why did You take it away from me?" But in fact, God calls a person to himself at the very moment when he is ready to pass into eternal life. It often happens that a person does not want to let go of a loved one, does not want to put up with the fact that he is no longer there, that he cannot be returned. But death must be accepted as a given, as a fact. It cannot be returned, and that's it. And the person begins to return back to him, do you understand? These things are out of the ordinary, but they do not happen so rarely. Completely unconsciously, a person begins to grieve, and he wants to replace him, as it were. We have such a strong desire for death. We need to reach out for life, and we, oddly enough, are drawn to death. When we cling to a person who has died, we want to be with him. But we still have to live here, we have tasks. We can only help him here, do you understand?
It is more difficult for an unbeliever to let go of the deceased, because he may not even realize that it is so difficult for him to part with this loved one due to the fact that he cannot even give him to God. And a believer is used to putting everything on the will of God, because meetings and partings accompany a person all his life.
There is a story in the Bible story that has tremendous therapeutic effects on people facing stress and death. We are talking about several life fragments of one deeply religious man named Job. Every time, having lost something very important, and there were many significant losses, he repeated: "God gave, God took." As a result, God, seeing in him a strong faith, returns everything in full. This parable is that overcoming the longing for the departed, we become steadfast and strong. A person, in fact, learns from his very birth to part. He learns to be together with others, identifying himself with society. But at the same time, every time there is a process of disidentification, that is, disconnection, separation. The little man learns to part with his property while still in the sandbox: "My shovel, my basket." They are taken away - he cries, it is very difficult for him to part with his own. But in fact there is nothing of ours in the world, do you understand? After all, what does "mine" mean? Mine, it’s only to some extent mine. At every moment of our life, we must be ready to part with everything that we consider ours. From the point of view of psychology, this is such a phenomenon of human mental life, the acquisition of skills for loss.
There are people who withdraw into themselves and focus on this loss. They seem to intensify these feelings in themselves, and cannot stop the flow of passive emotions. From childhood, we get used to parting with grief. Someone dwells on this: "This is mine, and that's it!" So great is the attractive force of this egoistic feeling. A more mature person knows how to part without pain, without such tears.
- It turns out that a mature person perceives death more calmly?
- He calmly transfers the deceased into the hands of the One who has the greatest right to him. Why? Because maturity is determined by the strength of mind with which we perceive all the difficult circumstances of life. Whatever happens, we must take everything indifferently, equally-stuffy. So St. Venerable Seraphim Sarovsky spoke. It is necessary that the soul treats everything evenly, or, as it were, equally, both to sorrows and to joys. It is such absolute calmness in everything, and in fact it is very difficult.
The perception of loss, grief of a spiritual and emotional person is distinguished by the fact that soulfulness is associated with anguish, emotional breakdown, passion, sensuality. On the contrary, the spiritual attitude is equal, in it, helping, quiet love. I remember how my mother died. It was an unexpected event altogether. We said goodbye to her, she left for another city, and the next day they called me that she had arrived, went to bed and died. She was 63 years old in total, I saw off a healthy person. It was a shock for me. Because I lost my loved one completely unexpectedly. But she died in a Christian way, calmly, so everyone dreams of dying. I have heard more than once: "I wish I could lie down and die." So she arrived, went to her bed and died. And when I came to church, I met my father - he also knew my mother, - I told him, and he said to me: “You, most importantly, take this death spiritually”.
At that time I was just beginning to church, and for me these questions of life and death were, so to speak, incomprehensible. Then I have not yet buried anyone close to me. I kept thinking, what does it mean to perceive spiritually? From the literature, which reveals the topic of attitude to death, I understood that to relate spiritually means not to grieve.
If you could not give something to this person, you feel guilty. Often very people get hung up and suffer from the fact that they did not give something to a loved one. There is something left that begins to worry them. “Why didn’t I give it? Why didn't you? After all, I could, ”and that's when they go into other circles of perception, go into depression.
The person, in this case, begins to feel guilty. And the feeling of guilt should not be masochistic, it should be constructive. The constructive approach is this: “I caught myself thinking that I was stuck with guilt. We need to spiritually solve this problem. " Spiritually - this means that you need to go to confession and confess before God your sin before this person. It is necessary to say: "I am to blame for the fact that I did not give him this and that." If we repent of this, then the person feels it.
For example, I would go up to my mother during her lifetime and say: “Mom, forgive me, I didn’t give you this and that”. I don’t think my mother will not forgive me. In the same way, I can solve this question, even if this person is not with me. After all, God has no dead, God has everyone alive. Liberation takes place in the Sacrament of Confession.
- Why go to church if you can tell God everything at home? God hears everything anyway.
- For an unbeliever, you can start at least with this, you need to admit your guilt. In psychological practice, the following methods are used: writing to a close, dear person. That is, you need to write a letter that I was wrong, that I did not pay enough attention, I didn’t love you, I didn’t give you something. You can start with this.
By the way, very often people come to church for the first time precisely because of this circumstance, someone's death. For the first time, a person can come to church for a funeral. And many of them may already know that a spiritual tribute is to put some food on the canon, light a candle and pray for this person. Prayer is a connection between us and a departed person.
One of the synonyms for the word "cemetery" is "churchyard". "Pogost" from the word to stay, because we come here to stay. We stayed a little, and forward, to our homeland, because our homeland is there.
Everything is upside down in our heads. We confuse where is our home. But our home is there, next to God. And here we just came to stay. Probably, the person who does not want to leave the deceased does not realize that this person has already fulfilled some of his purpose here.
Why don't we let our loved ones go? Because very often we are attached to the physical. If we talk about my feelings, I missed my mother: I really wanted to cuddle up, touch this soft, dear person, that's exactly what I lacked next to her, lacked physical intimacy. But we know that this person continues to live, because the human soul is immortal.
When my mother died, I decided for myself the question of the spiritual perception of this event, and I was able to quickly recover. I admitted that I hadn't done something. I repented and tried to really do what I had not done to my mother in due time. I took it and did it to another person. Reading the Psalter, the magpie also helps, because communication with a loved one, even if he is not around, does not stop.
Another thing is that one cannot go into dialogue. It happens sometimes, people even get sick mentally, they begin to consult with the deceased. At some difficult moment, you can ask: "Mom, well, help me, please." But this is when it is very difficult, and it’s better not to bother all the same, to pray, to pray for loved ones. When we do something for them, then we help them. Therefore, we must do everything possible in our power.
When I solved this problem for myself, and I managed to quickly recover, then one day I come to my friend's grandmother. And my mother also visited her once a couple of times. Somewhere forty days after the death of my mother, maybe a little more, I come to visit this grandmother, and she begins to calm me down, to console me. She probably thought that I was grieving, worried very much, and I told her: “You know, this does not bother me already. I know that my mother feels good there, and the only thing I lack is that she is not physically next to me, but I know that she is always there for me. " And suddenly, I see, on the table she had some kind of vase, like all grandmothers, with some kind of flowers and something else, and I, completely automatically, pull out a piece of paper. I take it out, and there is a prayer written in my mother's handwriting. I say: “You've seen it! She is always with me. Even now she is next to me. " My friend was very surprised. This is our connection, do you understand?
We must let go, because when we do not let them go, it is painful for them, they also suffer. Because we are connected, just like here on earth, when we do not give a person freedom, we pull him, we begin to control, we call: “Where are you? Or maybe there is something? Or maybe you feel bad? Maybe you feel too good? " Our relationships with deceased loved ones are built on the same principle.
- It turns out that in forty days you came to your senses from the crisis, that is, forty days is a kind of acceptable period. What timeframes would be unacceptable?
- If a person grieves for a year and it drags on further, then of course this is unacceptable. Maximum six months, a year, you can get sick, so to speak, and more is already a symptom of the disease. Hence, the person fell into depression.
- And if he simply cannot get out of this state?
- It doesn't help, so it's time to confess one more mistake. Why is discouragement included in the seven deadly sins? To grieve, to lose heart, it is impossible, this is cowardice, this is a spiritual disease. Faith is the strongest and most reliable medicine.
- Is there any psychological way to motivate yourself to take the first step? After all, some people just think like this: "I grieve for him for so long, and thus I remain faithful to him." How to overcome this?
- You definitely need to do something for the deceased. First of all, pray for him, submit notes to the temple. And further - more, forces will appear again. The path out of depression is necessarily associated with some kind of action, at least a little, little by little. You can just say: “How I love him, Lord! Help him, Lord! " - all. “I suffer for him, I worry for him. So he went nowhere, but I know that he is not alone there, that he is with You. " It is necessary at least to say something, to do for the sake of this person, but just not be inactive.
Why can't we cry for the dead?
Cry for the dead
cannot be long and strong. Allegedly, tears drown deceased and he cannot go to another world.
My aunt lost her son. She cried for a very long time, for 5 years she could not calm down, she got old and no persuasion worked on her.
So everyone gave such arguments that he was not comfortable there because of tears, that tears "drown", that they bother him, etc.
You cannot cry for the dead because the souls of the dead in the afterlife suffer from this. When a person cries, he constantly thinks about the deceased, grieves, wants to return him. Spends a colossal amount of energy to waste. And the soul of the deceased cannot find peace.
If we talk about crying about the recently deceased (up to 40 days), then this is fraught with the fact that the soul of the deceased may not pass into another world (find a new life and body), but get stuck here in the form of a ghost and suffer from this. There is no point in crying for the dead long ago, the soul has found a new life and body, instead of, for example, the old and sick. He is in this position well and he is happy.
Perhaps these tears bring suffering to the soul, in a new life.
Because it is believed that crying for the deceased and the manifestation of love and pity for him negatively affects the soul of the deceased. Because of sadness and longing, the soul will not be able to leave this world and will be doomed to eternal wandering between the worlds.
There is a lot written here .... On March 4, 2014, my 6-year-old daughter choked ... I did not remember her and the tears flow by themselves. I go to work, communicate with people, laugh, but the deep pain of my soul does not let go. Sometimes you forget, you think that everything is fine, and sometimes you start to cry ...
Yes, there is such a myth that one cannot cry for dead people, because when a person died, then his soul has already set out on a journey to another world, and when we cry, by this we call him, and this causes great trouble for the soul, one cannot interfere with the soul. it already has its own way!
We cry because we are HUMANS! And because we LOVE! Yes, the deceased goes through his own affairs, we, the living, do not concern us! But he was a part of our life! After his departure, our life is definitely changing - we ourselves are in a state of transition, and this is still breaking the old foundations, sometimes firmly cemented. My brother died 45 days ago, at the age of 28. I also cry, especially in the evening. Sun was looking for something. Hence the longing. One consoles, THERE he is at home.
not crying is unlikely to work, but screaming in no case should be. the soul settles in the new world and to disturb it means to harm it, the soul hears everything and loud screams can scare it. I also heard that for the first three days, the soul emotionlessly looks through all the pictures of its life and, if you scream loudly, it can turn around to see what is happening and at that moment it will miss some important event - it will disappear from its experience forever, imagine if there there was something very important, first love, the birth of children and the soul will forget this - this is not forgivable