Absolutely all people can consider themselves losers. Someone calls himself a loser only at some specific moments of life, and someone constantly considers himself a loser. To understand the reasons why you are a loser in life, you need to define it on the psychological help website.
A loser is a person who has not reached the level of success that he set for himself. If a person wanted to have a business, but could not create it, then he will consider himself a failure. Moreover, this person can be absolutely happy in love, have wonderful children, be healthy and beautiful.
In other words, a loser is not necessarily a homeless, unshaven and unclean person. A loser is more of a social concept, which is based on whether a person has achieved his goals. If a person dreamed about something and worked on something, as a result of which he achieved success, he is considered successful. And if a person could not realize his goals, then he considers himself a failure.
Success is mainly associated with social status, amount of money, material wealth. Although, of course, each person has his own concept of success. For some, it is important to marry a rich man, and for others, it is important to climb the career ladder to the level of a company director. The person who achieves the goal becomes successful, otherwise he considers himself a failure.
Other variations of failure can be noted:
- When a person achieves his goals, but does not get pleasure from them, he sets himself new goals and now begins to achieve them.
- When a person once achieved success, got the desired result, after which he wants to achieve it again, but it doesn’t work anymore.
Obviously, anyone who considers himself to be such can become a loser. Some people live quite well, but still consider themselves losers. And there are people who really have not achieved anything in their lives, which is why they can rightly be considered losers.
When a person tries, tries, but nothing works, he either continues to fight or gives up. When a person stops setting goals and achieving them, he becomes "just a man" who is content with what he has and goes to death. You should not be unequivocally negative about "just a person", because he can be happy in what he already has. After all, success is not a goal that you need to set for yourself, but a process that should bring happiness. If a person is already happy with what he has, then he will feel successful.
Why am I a loser?
If you are wondering why I am a loser, first understand if you really are. By what criteria can you recognize a loser in life?
- A loser constantly finds excuses for his failures and inaction.
- A loser is jealous of other people who have achieved the success they want.
- A loser constantly finds flaws in others in order to comfort himself and understand that they are not so lucky.
- The loser is prone to irritability and grumbling.
- He is constantly dissatisfied with himself.
- A loser feels guilty towards loved ones for not being able to provide them with everything they need.
- A loser is afraid of the life passing by him.
- The loser constantly remembers the past and tries to change it.
- He is prone to depression and anxiety.
- He often becomes a misanthrope.
The loser is constantly fighting for his survival. His whole life is like a relentless pursuit of goals that he never achieves.
Increasingly, people are faced with such a pattern: they set themselves, they begin to achieve them, but after a while, the ardor and enthusiasm subside, which is why the process of achieving what they want also stops. There are people who just want to achieve something. But there are those who achieve goals, but at some stage of their movement stops.
Why don't people get things done? Why can't a person achieve what they want? There are many factors here that can make a person stop. And one of those factors is the thought that you are a loser.
The loser complex is formed in childhood, although adults can become those in whom it develops under the influence of the surrounding society. If you start doing something, and your environment says that you won’t succeed, that it’s better not to waste time or that what you are going to do is difficult, so you don’t even need to try, then you get used to the fact that work begins but is not completed. Your environment does not believe in you. Those people with whom you constantly communicate and whose opinion you trust, themselves would never achieve the goal that you set for yourself. So they project their own thoughts onto you, persuading you to abandon your plan. They think if they can't, then you definitely can't. And if you believe them, then in the end you feel like a loser who is really not able to finish the job.
You can get rid of this complex if you understand the following:
- The people around you are failures themselves. What they are telling you is their own fears, thoughts, unwillingness to fight and achieve their happiness. If you believe in losers who don't achieve their goals, you will soon become a loser yourself. And if in childhood a person cannot yet protect himself from the influence of his unsuccessful parents, then in adulthood he has every opportunity to refuse the influence of those people who themselves have not achieved anything. Why would you trust losers? Look at the lives of those you listen to. Are they lucky, successful, happy? If not, then don't listen to their speeches.
- The people around you know how to envy. Even your parents, friends and loved ones may envy your willingness, desires and strength. Feeling weak, they want to make you the same. Rarely do people rejoice in the success that others achieve. Therefore, you need to understand that even your loved ones can envy you and unconsciously do so that you lose your strength.
- The people around you are already accustomed to seeing themselves and others as losers. Sometimes people are blind not in the literal sense of the word, but figuratively. Accustomed to the fact that they do not succeed, these people think that the rest live in exactly the same way. And if at least once you failed to achieve the goal, then they will constantly refer to your negative experience, proving that you are also a loser. People are sometimes "ossified" in their thoughts and views. Even if you succeed 10 times, but fail 1 time, they will remind you of this failure, completely ignoring your successes. It is necessary to understand this psychology of people.
Is it possible to change the environment now? Not necessary. It is important to simply see and understand why your environment is pulling you down, which is why you do not follow through. If a loser complex is developed in you, then only the understanding that you can become lucky at any moment can help you achieve your goal.
Losers live with problems. Notice how often people behave when they face some kind of difficulty. Some begin to look for someone to blame for the troubles that have appeared, others are looking for interlocutors with whom they can discuss the problem several times, others begin to cry, suffer, take offense. It is as if a person were walking along a road and a wall appeared in front of him. A person does not want to look left or right. But the wall can be as wide as the size of the road! But a person does not want to bypass the wall, but wants it to collapse, disappear, part before him. And his methods are: the search for the guilty, who erected this wall, insulting and showing hatred for this wall, shedding tears (what if the wall melts?). Funny, isn't it?
Losers live with problems. They discuss them, experience them, devote them every day to thinking. Friends, when will we start solving problems?
Unsuccessful people live with problems, but successful people live with goals. Successful people also have trouble. It is in human nature to periodically encounter situations that cause certain difficulties in their solution. But some people start to stop and live with these problems, while others try to set goals that they want to achieve while they solve these problems.
Bypassing the wall, you can go right, left, or start to climb it. Thus, the loser will stand in front of the wall and train himself to see it every day. And a successful person first decides: “What do I want to achieve when I pass through this wall?”, - then he will choose how he will achieve his goal: “I will go to the right”, “I will go to the left” or “I will climb over the wall”.
Losers live with problems, gradually getting used to their presence. And what else can they do, because they do not move, do nothing, but stand in one place? Successful people live with goals. If there are problems, they solve them. If there are no problems, then they simply realize the desires they dream about.
What if I'm a loser in life?
If you are tired of wasting your life on survival, then it's time to become a successful person. What does this mean? It's time not just to do something, but to act in such a way that your actions lead to the results you need. Mistakes and failures are possible. The main thing here is to change your behavior and actions in order to still achieve your goal.
People are divided into successful and unsuccessful. Of course, in fact, all these are relative concepts: a rich person can not always be called successful, and a poor person can not always be called a failure. Success lies in the extent to which a person has realized his potential in life. Could the person fulfill his desires? Does he feel happy? Does he have what he really needs? It is the presence of all these parameters that indicates the level of success of a person.
People are divided into those who are busy with their lives, and those who are busy with other people's lives. The first category of people is characterized by the fact that they see problems and shortcomings in themselves and their actions. The second is that people see problems and shortcomings in others, but not in themselves.
Naturally, the first category includes successful representatives, since they are engaged in self-improvement, the implementation of their plans and the creation of a happy life. The second category includes losers and sufferers, because they try to solve their life troubles at the expense of other people. They want others to become different and start doing what is convenient for the losers themselves. Of course, it is difficult to force an adult to do something against his will, so this category of people does not achieve anything in their lives.
Successful people say, “What am I doing wrong?” and sufferers, “Why is he/she/they doing wrong? What can I do to make them do differently? In other words, successful people try to change themselves, their habits and behavior patterns in order to make their own life the way they want it to be. Losers, on the other hand, try to find ways that will help them get others to be like that and do what is required of them.
Problems in other people are seen by those who want to live happily at their expense. They don't see their flaws. And often their life is very boring, monotonous and uninteresting. That's why they look for happiness in other people's lives. After all, they cannot make their life beautiful.
And only the person who changes his own shortcomings and solves his problems can achieve success. After all, who else, besides himself, knows what can make him happy? Moreover, other people themselves want to live happily, and not to make others happy, suffering and humiliating themselves at the same time.
What to do to stop being a loser in life?
- Determine what will be successful for you. Set clear goals for yourself.
- Use your envy, dissatisfaction with yourself and aggression as motivation.
- Feel like a successful person who has sociability, high self-esteem, determination, optimism, positive attitude.
- Start acting, not just planning and dreaming.
- Get ready for difficulties. The main thing here is to overcome them, change yourself, develop.
What else can help you in becoming a successful person?
- The ability to take responsibility for your actions.
- Take failure as an experience.
- Don't be afraid to take risks.
- Don't blame anyone for your failures.
- Take action to turn what you want into the future.
A loser is not a characteristic of a person, but his status, which he acquires himself in the course of his life. Losers are people who never achieve their goals. And if you are slowly moving towards what you want, then everything is going well for you.
Many people ask themselves the question: "Why am I a loser", listen, and who told you that you are exactly that? Maybe you received some kind of official paper, what are you like? There are still some doubts, okay, get up from your chair and look in your papers for such a simple reference. Found? Yes, how is that? And who dared to say so?
This suggests that you yourself with the utmost care hang a label around your neck. Have fun with him, is it convenient for you to walk with him? Probably not hard since you do not complain about the load. Stop ... Since we have already stopped at complaints, let's get straight to this.
A complaint. It also applies to your body. Here, they say, I do not have a great physique. Everyone, you told yourself about it. And forgot about this moment, so why? You tried the simplest ways, for example, to increase the number of pull-ups. Suddenly, not everything is so bad, and you can easily pull yourself up a couple of times. This means that if you tighten up a little, then in a month the number of pull-ups will increase significantly. And is it possible to say that such a person is unlucky? No and no again.
Look at such a simple situation from a completely different perspective. You just don't take any action. And inaction, as we already know, is a "dead point". As soon as possible, leave this place, Where it is safe. Fearfully? This is only a temporary phenomenon, then over time, you will most likely find some strong source of vitality that will only move you forward. If you want this, immediately after reading this article, write down on a sheet those qualities that in every possible way prevent you from changing. Again, what fear visits you in connection with the action? Get rid of it, otherwise nothing good will come.
What to do if you are a loser?
It is worth looking at others, as well as at people you know. Pay special attention to the very successful, the rich. Ask yourself a simple question: "What did he feel and think when he embarked on an important task for the first time in his life"? The answer will appear by itself, it is fear. Pretty interesting. It means that this person had fear, and then where did he go? Disappeared for no reason? I will please you, everything is much simpler, they removed fear from their lives, and began to try something new, and thus they still provide a decent future for themselves. Do you want the same? Want to stop asking yourself why am i a loser? Yes, please, you don't have a certificate, do you? Then be bolder, do what you really want, and at the same time, those actions that will bring you smiles, happiness, joy. In general, everything that makes a person rich.
There are no born losers.
They become by the most amazing circumstances. You watch any movie, and suddenly the place of the king of the jungle is taken by an ordinary guy from the city. And at this very moment, such a phrase addressed to the king "you are a loser" is heard from his lips. How can a highly respected king be like that? Can not. You know, they just brazenly and mercilessly hung this name on him. And oddly enough, the king, with all his leadership qualities, considers himself to be exactly what the same guy from the city called him. See how simple it is.
In fact, many do not even suspect that this is actually the case. But you think, observe what is actually hidden behind this, I'm not even afraid of this word, circus.
Jonah? Remove the veil from your eyes, believe in yourself, finally set a goal for yourself, and in every possible way, achieve it, no matter what you are told. Go through criticism, take a new step towards a new life. Take the first setbacks for granted.
Why can't I get anything? Nobody understands me. I upset people. I can't start doing anything. I'm lazy. My life is a swamp. I'm a loser. I will never succeed. There is nothing worthwhile in this life. I can never finish anything. If I don't get this job, I'm done for. I have to take responsibility. I must be courageous. If I worked hard, it would be fair to raise my salary. He thinks I'm a loser. I should be grateful. My future is bleak. It's easy for me, so it doesn't count. I must be feminine. I can't communicate with people. I always have. I can, of course, try, but it's a waste of time, I won't succeed. If they ask, I must help. Refusing is not good. I must not lose my temper. I have to do everything quickly. I have to be original. People must be fair.
Have you found your thoughts among these proposals and can add to the list? These are automatic thoughts - internal statements of people about themselves. They are called by the inner voice. They appear in the head involuntarily, unlike arbitrary thoughts - balanced decisions.
Why does it feel like these automatic thoughts come from nowhere? The fact is that they are fragments of our basic beliefs - certain rules of life, a set of which each of us collects on our own consciously and unconsciously all our lives, and especially in early age. With the help of such rules, we evaluate our experience, interpret reality. Some of them simplify our everyday life, and the other part, usually larger, on the contrary, complicates our life. Beliefs that prevent us from living are called erroneous and dysfunctional. And the only plus of these beliefs is that they can be changed.
You can access these beliefs by monitoring your automatic thoughts and then analyzing them. It usually takes a lot of time and effort to find them and make life easier. The most effective way to do this is with a psychologist, but in this article, you will learn about the main dysfunctional beliefs and cognitive errors that cause us to continue to believe in them. After that, you can at least begin to notice the moments when thinking is wrong.
Where to begin
The problem is that we often hold on to our beliefs even if we haven't articulated them. People are often surprised when, in contemplating their behavior, they finally articulate these rules to themselves. It happens that it is difficult to formulate them, even when such a task is set. Many of these rules are arbitrary and biased. Roughly speaking, we either invented them ourselves, or “without looking” picked them up from people significant to us. For example, the childish “behave well, otherwise dad will be angry” can be absorbed and transformed into the belief that you must always behave “good”, otherwise people will not accept you, although it can be difficult for a person guided by this attitude to even formulate that it means "good". You can also easily confuse thoughts and facts: a colleague passed by with some kind of facial expression, but the thought already ran that he treats you badly.
Because those deepest, most basic beliefs are formulated in extreme terms, they lead to extreme conclusions. The train of thought runs non-stop from the unstated belief "if I am not loved, I am nothing" through the conjecture "he/she does not love me" to the final station "I am nothing". In this form, we, alas, do not notice this route, but only “enjoy” the result obtained at the final station.
Aaron Beck, one of the founders of the cognitive direction in psychology, back in the late 70s of the last century, brought out a list of maladaptive beliefs. Here are some of them:
To be happy, you must always succeed
To be happy you need everyone to love you
If I make a mistake, it will mean that I am stupid
I can not live without you
If a person argues with me, it means that he does not like me.
My human dignity depends on what others think of me.
It sounds, perhaps, not scary, even familiar - how many times have we said or thought this ourselves or heard it from the lips of interlocutors. But, in fact, this is a serious matter: in addition to a bad mood, such thoughts, deeply and firmly planted in the head, can cause depression.
His colleague Albert Ellis groups irrational attitudes into a list of four items:
Catastrophization. How extreme do you perceive various adverse events
Obligation towards oneself. What do you think you should do and not do
duty towards others. What do you think other people should and should not do?
Appraisal setting. How do you rate yourself and others
By the way, you can check your tendency to these irrational attitudes by passing the Ellis test by honestly answering.
The only trouble is that it is impossible to stop following your irrational attitudes. It is easy for people to continue to believe in illogical maladaptive beliefs due to cognitive errors. Understanding how they confuse us will help you start changing your mindset little by little.
cognitive errors
Catastrophization: “If it doesn’t work out, then it will be the end of the world”
You believe that something extremely bad can happen to you. That what is happening is terrible and unbearable so much that you will not be able to cope with it, or that this event will destroy your life once and for all. When people are under the influence of this attitude, we evaluate a certain future event as inevitable and irreparable.
Marker words:"catastrophe", "nightmare", "horror", "end of the world" and synonymous
What to do: Replace an extremely negative assessment of the situation with one closer to reality, backed up with facts. Answer the questions “What is the worst thing that can happen?”, “What will happen if this happens?”, “What will be the consequences of the most terrible development of events?” and analyze the answers, think over a plan of action and prepare for even the worst outcomes.
Predicting the future: "I won't succeed"
Other examples:“I will fail this exam”, “I will not get this job”, “Yes, but what if I take my breath away?”
You “predict” the future most often in a negative way: everything will get worse, some kind of danger awaits you. By this very attitude, you subtly reinforce future failure by allowing small and large actions to follow that lead to failure. In fact, in this case, we are also dealing with an erroneous assessment: we downplay or exaggerate the likelihood of events and their consequences, which is why we worry and put ourselves into a stupor. A variation can be a transfer of past experience to the future, reinforced by the logical fallacy “true once, true always”, for example, “I just didn’t succeed, so it won’t work the second time.”
Marker words:“what if”, “what if”, “but maybe”
What to do: Our opinion about the future is not the future itself. This is just one of the hypotheses that should be tested logically or experimentally. Find logical errors in your thinking. Write down all the factors that can affect the outcome of events, and think about how you can influence them and reduce risks.
Must: "They shouldn't behave like this"
Other examples:“I must look perfect”, “People must be fair”, “The government must take care of education”
You believe that you owe something to others or that other people owe you something. Or do you owe something global and inanimate: the world, government or nature? The trap here lies in the very word “should”, because it means “only this way and nothing else”, that is, without alternative options. And there are almost always alternatives. In other words, “I must breathe” sounds reasonable, but “people must be fair” or “I must be friendly” can already be disassembled into many alternatives.
Such an attitude of duty inevitably leads to stress, especially when something will remind you of this duty, and something will prevent you from fulfilling it. Often this is prevented by circumstances, or the duty is formulated in such a way that it is generally impossible or unlikely to be fulfilled.
Marker words:“should”, “should”, “should”, “shouldn't”, “shouldn't”, “shouldn't”, “necessarily”, “by all means”, etc.
What to do: It is useful to replace the word "should" with the word "want": "I want you to be there at 8.00." Or decipher the meaning: “If you want this, then come at 8.00” - and remember that other people are not aware of your expectations until you tell them about it, and it’s generally somewhat problematic to tell the whole world at once.
Maximalism: "Everything is only at the highest level"
Other examples:“I give my all,” “As a perfectionist, I can’t…”
A particular and extreme case of this attitude is perfectionism. Setting the highest possible standards for yourself and / or other people and using them as a benchmark for determining the value of what is happening or the person, both your own and colleagues, friends or strangers from the Internet.
Marker words:“to the maximum”, “only excellent”, “one hundred percent”, “100 percent”
What to do: It would seem clear that you should not compare your first pencil sketch with fragments of the Sistine Chapel painting, but this does not make it any easier. To make it all the same, come up with a Minimum Viable Product, a “minimum viable result” that will perform the intended function. Implement it first, then polish it until you hit a deadline (if you want).
Dichotomous thinking: "He's a bad person"
Another example:“Either I do it perfectly, or I don’t”
An attitude in which life experience is distributed by a person between two mutually exclusive categories: “good - bad”, “sinful - righteous”, “ideal - imperfect”. Thinking in extremes, when all events that are actually multifaceted are evaluated as one-dimensional and mutually exclusive.
Marker words:"Either - or", "either yes or no", "either - or"
What to do: Any event can be evaluated through the prism of many factors. What do you mean when you say "This person is good"? Is he a great specialist or friendly with you? Attentive father or sympathetic neighbor? At times when you find yourself thinking dichotomously, try to make lists of traits against which you can assess the situation, if necessary. Or just refuse to evaluate.
Personalization: "It's all because of me"
Other examples:“They are definitely whispering about me”, “Everyone is looking at me”, “I am to blame for the fact that the child does not study well”
The urge to associate events with one's personality, even when there is no reason for this, or to interpret events in terms of personal meanings. It is also possible to attribute blame to oneself for events that do not completely depend on a person, or do not depend at all.
Marker words: pronouns "I", "me", "me", "me", etc.
What to do: Clarify for yourself the criteria for measuring the attention of others, find objective ways to check whether everyone's attention is really riveted on you. Identify the possible causes of adverse events that make you worry and anticipate the risks. If you are accustomed to putting all the blame on yourself, make a list of the causes of the problem and evaluate your contribution to each item on a scale from 0 to 100. For each of the items, select alternative reasons - in addition to "it's because of me."
Overgeneralization: "I'm always like this"
Other examples:“I never succeed”, “You are always late”, “No one needs me”
An overgeneralization is an inference general rule based on one or more individual episodes. Suppose you tried to do something, it didn’t work out the first time - and you formulate “if it didn’t work right away, then it will never work out”. In other words, "if something is true in one case, it is true in all other cases."
Another way to get caught with overgeneralization is to grossly generalize a few recurring cases, such as telling a colleague that he is "always late" when in fact he is "often" because he was always on time last week. Or, after not being invited to parties for a while, tell yourself "I'm never invited anywhere."
Marker words:"everything", "no one", "nothing", "everywhere", "nowhere", "never", "always", "forever", "permanently"
What to do: First of all, consciously monitor the indicated marker words and categoricalness in judgments in general. Try to describe what is happening more precisely: not “always”, but “the last two meetings”; not “all”, but “Petya and Masha”; not “never”, but “since the beginning of the month”. It is also helpful to reformulate your automatic thought. For example, "I feel like I'm not needed" could become "I last saw my friends a couple of months ago" and could be supplemented by the planned action "I need to call and make an appointment."
Mind reading: "They thought I was an idiot"
Other examples:“It seems to him that I can’t cope,” “She can’t stand me”
People can't read minds, but they easily attribute unspoken opinions to other people. A sullen look, a quiet sigh or an unexpected smile, and you already understood everything: “he wants to fire me”, “he thinks I'm a loser!”. Following this - hours, days, weeks or a lifetime of your experiences. Meanwhile, one of the few ways to find out what another person thinks is to ask him or her about it.
Marker words:"he thinks, "she thinks", "they think"
Selective abstraction: "My whole life is a routine"
Examples: “I live a boring life”, “Nothing makes me happy”
With selective abstraction, you focus almost entirely on the negative experience and rarely notice the positive, or not at all. You easily remember how “nothing is happening to you” or how “nothing makes you happy”, but you forget to mention that sincere conversation with friends, a new project at work, or about emotions from your favorite track suddenly played on the radio.
What to do: Try keeping a self-observation diary of your joys and successes. Every day, write down what happened to you, what pleased you, what you did and how you felt at that moment. Make these records only for yourself, do not show anyone and do not hesitate to enjoy any little things.
What else is good to know
It is worth accustoming yourself to confronting any of your beliefs with the help of logic and experimentation. Even the ones that seem harmless. Track your automatic thoughts and check the list of attitudes and cognitive errors described above. Formulate a rational alternative belief. After that, you can already check it in reality - conduct experiments and act differently than they acted before.
The process will require effort: most likely, you will have to take actions that will seem unacceptable and even dangerous. And then make sure that the results of these actions will be different than the inner rule told you and, most likely, not as scary as you thought.
The inner voice will whisper: “Now is not the best time to start, let's do it another time, especially since there is such and such a reason not to do it ...” But remember: this is your experiment. Cling to this conscious decision of yours. It is normal to be afraid and worry in such situations. Rather, it would be even strange not to be afraid - after all, you will violate the rules by which you have existed for years. With each repetition of the experiment, it will become easier. And if you feel that you can’t cope on your own, remember that you can always turn to a psychologist.
You're lonely? Are you unable to do anything? You feel bad? Are you out of money? No exit? Don't you know what to do? Congratulations! You're a loser!
And the point here is not at all that you were unlucky or that something did not work out for you. It's about your way of thinking.
Imagine a queue at the reception of an organization. People who have arrived and queued up since the morning are patiently and meekly waiting for their turn. They are angry, sleepy, tired. And then a well-dressed man comes in, walks along the corridor, ignoring the queue, enters the office and leaves for ten minutes without explaining anything. He decided his business, but the crowd begins to be indignant and indignant, continuing to quietly observe the queue and endure the heat and inconvenience. Why didn't they repeat his example or stop the impudent one? Because they are the losers, unlike that determined and apparently successful person.
What to do if you are a loser, and what are the signs of a loser? This question interests many. Well, let's look at it in more detail.
Signs of a loser
1. Everyone is to blame for your problems, but not you. For a well-paid job they take only by pull. My wife left because I'm a whore. They didn't let me into the nightclub - the security guard is scum. The gopniks were purged - they were raised incorrectly by their parents. Kicked out of the institute - only nerds study there or for bribes. The whole world is to blame for your troubles, but not you.
2. You always rely on circumstances, never calculating the situation and planning nothing. In this case, you cannot predict the problem. It snowballs on you, and periods of stability are mixed with incredible difficulties. This is where the comparison with the white and black stripes of life originates. If everything is exactly like this, black and white, you are a loser.
3. You don't take care of yourself. You can't even recognize your shortcomings, let alone eliminate them. Criticism addressed to you is perceived as knives and extremely painful. If you are a fat person, instead of going to the gym, you will blame the opposite sex for not being appreciated for who you are. Instead of entering some normal society, you will argue that there is only one redneck around, no one understands you.
4. You know how to arrange the whole world, but you cannot put things in order at home and in your life.
5. You're out of luck. It's all because you were born at the wrong time, in the wrong place. You got the wrong parents who raised you the wrong way.
6. You worry about what others will think of you if you say something wrong.
7. You do not have enough time to improve your life and change something in it. You can find time for computer games and watching TV, for beer with friends, but there is sorely not enough time to do something.
8. You do not receive new information, not because you do not have the opportunity to receive it, but because you simply do not want to do this. Once you were taught to do some work, and you do it, fearing to retreat from this into the unknown for new knowledge.
9. You are envious. You develop hatred towards more successful people, you constantly try to reproach them for something, and calm yourself with far-fetched arguments that they received all this undeservedly.
10. You constantly complain about life, everything is wrong with you and everything is not right. You start coming up with many reasons for your failures.
How to stop being a loser?
The recipe is simple, like everything effective and efficient. Stop being lazy and making excuses. Work on yourself: educate yourself, join the gym and read books and sign up for self-development seminars. All this, in addition to giving you the necessary knowledge to advance in life, will significantly increase your self-esteem. You must be confident in yourself and in your rightness, no matter what. If sometime a failure happens, it is temporary, start working on it and soon you will correct the situation. Remember, if you are confident in yourself, others around you will not doubt your capabilities and abilities.
In conclusion, know that there are really people who are not lucky: they have a congenital disease, they got into a car accident, they were beaten on the street to the point of disability. And then, they try to benefit from their shortcomings, lead a full life. You're not like that, so stop whining and making excuses. In your vocabulary, the words "failure", "defeat", "weakling" should be completely absent. Avoid the losers yourself and do not hang these labels on others. If you see these shortcomings in others, then you yourself suffer from them. You yourself must decide who you are in this life, the decision is yours.
author: Igor Kruglov, for the website
Losers don't value their time at all. Any successful person will tell you that time is our most valuable resource. Successful people value time even more than money. What's your job? They read Twitter, looked down on a site like Fishki.net or Bash.im, liked photos on Facebook and VKontakte.
But you make plans every year. Every year you promise yourself that "this year I will plow straight." And everything is new. Your plans are not destined to come true. This is because you are not devoting the right amount of time to completing tasks. Learn to manage your time, learn to say "no" - this will be a good step towards success in any area of your life.
2. You don't do things that are in line with your goals.
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.
Roy Disney
Outsiders confuse busyness with productivity. They mistakenly believe that it directly depends on employment. Therefore, the losers are taken for everything in a row. They take part in everything. As a result, they scatter their efforts nowhere. The only thing they don't direct their efforts to is their goals and their values.
Write down your goals and a strategy to achieve them. This will help you determine where you really need to direct your efforts. “The more surely you will accomplish the task, the more important you consider it.”
3. You do not take responsibility
Yes, your boss is a real jerk and you really hate your job. But this is no reason to do everything mediocre. You are paid to be at work and to do a good job. You have to strive for perfection, no matter the circumstances. This is called maturity and wisdom. Losers are quite happy with bad grades. And they don't think about getting better. One of the main rules of life: it gives back the effort you put in.
4. You limit yourself
“I'm just bad with numbers”, “I'm really bad at languages”, “My brain is not capable of learning programming”, “I'm not tough enough to run my business” - these are all the phrases of losers. They limit themselves. Forget that you have a limited set of skills and abilities. Stop thinking that everyone around you is smarter than you. This is the wrong way. Put in more effort, give your best. Then you will be successful.
5. You are a master of excuses.
Always looking for logical reasons for their failures. They look for reasons why they shouldn't have done something. And yet they find them. Losers go overboard with what is called "being realistic." They constantly find excuses for their inaction. Instead, they could just try to make. As soon as your brain starts looking for an excuse, you need to stop it and activate the mechanism that triggers the desire to do something.
6. You don't know how to communicate and deal with people
You can easily judge a person's character by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
Johann Goethe
Losers don't have social skills. “At least I’m being honest”, “I am who I am, deal with it” - such phrases are spoken by losers. Unsuccessful people act arrogant for no reason. Who likes show-offs? So don't be them! It's very easy to be nice and polite to someone you like. And you try to behave well with someone from whom you can not get anything.
There is an excellent expression that the best way to test a person's character is to look at his behavior in the queue and his attitude towards. Another good way to get to know a person is to look at their reaction when you ruin their item.
7. You procrastinate
The funny thing is that losers themselves call themselves the buzzword "procrastinators." And they are absolutely not ashamed of it. They don't understand the value of time at all. They are quite content to live in yesterday. Losers live like they have one more life left. But in fact, no one has the opportunity to pause life or rewind a little back. Learn that you are dying from the moment you are born. Every day is a gift. You can do whatever you want, but keep in mind that there may not be tomorrow.
8. You don't act
Do it today. You will thank yourself tomorrow for this.
Les Brown
This is too simple a rule for losers. Unsuccessful people prefer to think rather than act. Beautifully spoken, beautifully dreamed and planned. But unsuccessful people lack the impetus to act. Stop dreaming - start doing!
9. You don't know how to deal with difficulties.
There is one legend. It says that once there lived a shepherd who was small in stature and was not a warrior. He looked at the giant and said, "I will fight you and cut off your head!" - and did it. The tests are only as difficult as you imagine and as your weakness allows. Losers do not understand this and quickly give up. They give up the moment the situation becomes uncomfortable.
There are no roses without thorns, children without work, and rainbows without thunder. Tests not only bring us closer to the goal, but also make us what we never dreamed of becoming. Do not be afraid of fears, fight them. This will open up new vistas for you. Yes, yes, we are again talking about what is needed. To know your strength, you need to fight.
10. You are lethargic
You don't have an opinion and you can't make decisions. Unable to hold intelligent conversations, unable to think openly unless the topic is in your area of expertise. Losers think that everyone should think like them. Unsuccessful people don't read, don't study after school. At most they graduate from the university, because “it’s necessary”. Even if they don't reach the limit of their potential, they don't care. They are able to get bored in the world of joy and miracles.
The quietest killer is apathy. Find a hobby, do it. Even if you don't get paid for it. For now. Use your talent and find a use for it.